Coercion
by Sophia Hawkins
Summary: AU. The door to Kelly's apartment was ajar and the wood was splintered from being kicked in. Matt Casey stepped in and felt for the light switch. There were so many things wrong with the apartment's appearance it was hard to focus on one thing. Furniture had been turned over, clothes were scattered, and on the floor in the middle of the room... "Oh my God, Kelly!"
1. Chapter 1

Coercion

A/N: A rare treat for the readers who requested a role reversal and Severide be the one getting whumped. Hope you enjoy, please read and review.

It was a regular night at Molly's and the place was semi-packed, several familiar faces from both the Intelligence unit at the 21st District, and the men and women from Firehouse 51, stuck out all over the bar. Hank Voight was waiting for his second Manhattan and glanced around and noted Matt Casey at the end of the bar checking his phone. He dialed a number and put the phone to his ear and waited, and then hung up in frustration. Being a cop, it was Hank's first nature to notice everything going on around him, and he'd noticed that whoever it was Casey was trying to get a hold of, he'd been trying several times that night, and all seemed to be to no avail. Whatever it was, nobody else in the bar seemed to notice.

"Here ya go, Voight," Christopher Herrmann said as he replaced the sergeant's glass.

"Thanks, Herrmann."

He took a drink, and looked back at the end of the bar and saw Casey getting up and putting his money on the counter, and he seemed to be moving slightly hastily for somebody just leaving.

"Something wrong?" he inquired as Matt passed by his stool.

Casey turned and looked, apparently only mildly surprised that the cop was talking to him, but still caught off guard by it.

"Severide was supposed to be here an hour ago," the Truck lieutenant answered, trying to keep his voice calmer than his body language was, though he didn't seem to realize it. He tried to brush it off and insisted weakly, "I'm sure it's nothing."

"If you're worried, it ain't nothing," Voight stood up, "I'll go with you."

That made Casey's eyes widen in surprise. "Uh, thanks but no thanks, Hank, that's really not necessary."

"This is Chicago," Voight pointed out. "That's not a good bet to make."

Casey tried again, "I'm sure he's fine."

"Maybe you're right, but what if he's not?" Hank replied. "Might help to have a cop along."

Matt didn't spend much time dwelling on that thought, but if he was honest, he had to admit a few different scenarios had gone through his mind. They saw it all the time on calls, people who had just been minding their business and suddenly, they'd been mugged, or shot, or carjacked, and naturally Casey always thought in terms of stuff like that happened to _other people_, but wouldn't, couldn't happen to one of them. But what if it had?

Reluctantly, Casey nodded, "Okay, let's go."

Voight took a roll of bills out of his boot, peeled the top one off and put it on the counter. "Herrmann, thanks for the service, next round's on me."

Christopher came to the bar and picked up the bill and did a double take at the denomination. "Yeah, sure, thanks, Hank."

Casey was the first out the door, Voight was behind him a few seconds later and the two men headed to the parking lot to get their vehicles out.

"I'll follow you," Hank told him.

Casey tried to stay calm and not panic and told himself there could be a dozen different reasons why Kelly didn't show up. But actually having somebody else with him who also thought something could be wrong, and thought it was very likely, wasn't doing much for his steady composure. His heart was starting to beat faster and he felt a sensation pulsing in his ears. What if Kelly had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and gotten shot in a drive by? Or what if he'd gotten into a fight with someone and got ambushed? What if...he tried not to focus on the rest, and instead just focused on getting out of there, and getting over to his apartment to check first. In his rear view mirror he saw the blinding headlights of Voight's black SUV signaling the cop was right behind him.

* * *

Matt spotted Severide's blue Mustang at the curb outside the apartment building. He wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or not. Behind him Voight's car pulled up and the lights went off. Casey grabbed the door handle and got out of his pickup.

"His car's here."

"I see that," Voight commented.

Casey looked to the apartment. "No lights on."

"Let's check it out," Voight said.

Casey didn't need to be told twice, he was already running up to the front door.

He stopped just short of grabbing the doorknob.

"What is it?" Voight asked as he came up the steps behind him.

Then he saw what Casey saw.

The door was ajar and the wood to the frame was splintered.

Casey felt his heart drop to his stomach. He pushed the door open and called out, "Kelly?"

He stepped in and felt for the light switch, he found it and flicked it up. Just before the lights came on, Matt could hear a low muffled sound from somewhere in the apartment. As the apartment lit up, he and Voight looked in to the apartment to see where the sound was coming from, there were so many things about the apartment that weren't right, it was hard to focus on any one thing. Furniture had been turned over, clothes were scattered across the floor, the coffee table was broken on the floor in the middle of the room, and beside it...

Casey felt his eyes double in size and his heart pound against his chest now.

"Oh my God, Kelly!"

Both he and Voight ran over to the barely recognizable figure that was half curled in a ball on the floor, naked, writhing, moaning, his body covered in blood, and bruises, and upon closer examination, bite marks. Kelly had purple ligature marks on his wrists, and around his ankles, and he still held his body tight and stiff as if he was still bound up. On the floor a few inches from his face was a weathered strip of duct tape that had started to curl at the ends. Kelly's eyes were tightly shut and his whole body shook with every sob suppressed by his closed lips, his face was soaked with tears that were still spilling down from his eyes. His whole body was covered in sweat, and standing over him now, both Casey and Voight were able to make out the unmistakable fluid stains on the floor that told them exactly what had happened there that night.

"Oh my God, Kelly," Matt repeated in a horrified whisper, not quite able to take in what he was seeing. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't be real, not to Kelly, not to his best friend.

At his name, Severide's eyes slowly opened, and closed against the sudden bright light, then they opened again, and his mouth fell open and his whole body wracked as he moaned and cried, no words came out, just a bunch of incoherent sounds of pain, of fear, of shame. Of all the marks on his body, the ones that particularly stuck out were a set of bruises at the base of his spine.

"We gotta get the paramedics here and get him to the hospital," Voight said as he reached for his phone.

A particularly loud noise of protest escaped Severide's throat as he looked at the two men standing over him, and words finally came out as he loudly, frantically pleaded, "No! Nooo! No, please, no hospital, no..."

"Kelly," Case tried to get his attention, tried to get him to focus, "Kelly, calm down!"

Severide didn't seem to hear him, he just continued half coherently rambling, "No, no paramedics, no, no hospital, please, don't! Nooo..."

Casey thought he was going to lose his mind. His heart was breaking at seeing his best friend like this and hearing the obvious pain in his voice, he felt like he was about to break down crying himself, not knowing what to do but knowing he had to do something. At the first thought that came to mind, he ran to the bedroom, jerked the top sheet off the bed in one swift movement and ran back to the living room and very carefully and loosely wrapped it around Kelly's torso to preserve a little dignity for the Squad lieutenant. As he did, he saw more bruises, more bite marks, and his stomach churned at the images that were starting to fill his mind.

"Kelly," Casey tried to stay calm and tried to get through to the hysterical man writhing under him, "Kelly, you can't move, we have to get you looked at, you could have a spinal injury-"

"No! No-no-no-no!" Severide was tearfully adamant, though he made no attempt to get up from the floor.

Voight crouched down beside Matt and looked Kelly straight in the eyes and said to him, in a voice both firm but gentle, "Kelly, _look at me._" Kelly did, and Voight instructed the firefighter to breathe deeply and calm down. Tears still poured down Kelly's flushed face but he loudly inhaled and exhaled, trying to comply with the cop's orders.

"Kelly," Voight said, in a surprisingly calming tone, one that Casey didn't ever remember hearing, "if we don't have to take you to the hospital, we _won't_. But you have to let us look at you to determine that."

Kelly shook his head frantically and the sobs started again, "Noooo...no..."

Casey felt his eyes stinging as he watched Kelly writhing on the floor, seeing the pain and terror in his eyes.

Voight looked at him and asked point blank, "Is whoever did this to you still in the apartment?"

Kelly very weakly shook his head.

"Okay," Hank said with a nod, "that's good." He turned and looked at Casey, wordlessly pointing out since he was EMT certified, he'd know more what to look for and told him, "Check him over."

Casey definitely was not looking forward to what he had to do next, but he knew he had to do it. Kelly was still half hysterical as he writhed around the on the floor, it was obvious he didn't want anyone touching him. Casey tried to push everything out of his mind, and the knot out of his stomach, as he began to assess the situation.

"Can you tell me what hurts, Kelly?" Knowing it was a valid question, Casey still felt horrible for having to ask it, he pressed on, "Do you know if anything's broken?"

Kelly just continued to groan incoherently, no indication either way. Casey could see he was going to have to do this the hard way. He held his hands out to Severide and asked him, as if he was talking to any one of a thousand victims on a routine call, "Kelly, can you try squeezing my hands? Can you do that?"

Kelly's eyes looked down towards his hands as if trying to figure out if they would even work. He slowly raised them, Casey noticed that the knuckles were bloody on both hands, and he felt Casey's hands and grabbed them. Casey noticed that his fingers didn't curl all the way into a sturdy grip, but it was good enough.

"Okay, good," Casey let go of his hands and told him, "let me know if you feel any pain," and he carefully ran his hands across Kelly's neck and back and up and down his spine. He heard Kelly's breath hitch when he touched the bruises on the low of his back, but otherwise nothing seemed to stick out, for that matter neither did any of the vertebrae.

"Okay, so no pain, good so far...is anything numb, Kelly?"

Kelly just shook his head as another sob escaped him.

Casey nodded in understanding. "That's good, Kelly..." his eyes trailed down Severide's body and asked him, "Can you wiggle your toes?"

He watched Kelly's feet, which were also bruised, after a few seconds the big toes moved and the ones next to them, the smaller ones didn't but Kelly was able to curl and un-curl them along with the rest.

"Good...good, you're doing fine," Casey said. Still, he wanted to make sure. "Can you turn flat on your back? Lift both arms."

Kelly did, they went up, and fell at the same time at the same speed. Then Casey had him bend and flex his knees and extend his legs, and they both lowered at the same time and speed as well.

"Okay, Kelly, can you close your eyes?" Casey wasn't sure what was keeping him level headed, it sure as hell wasn't his own doing, whatever it was he was grateful because he knew as bad as things were for Kelly already they'd just be worse if he saw Casey starting to lose it too. "I'm going to touch you-"

"No!" Kelly protested, sounding absolutely terrified of the idea.

Casey stayed focused, "I'm going to touch you in a couple places, and have you point where. Is that okay?"

It clearly wasn't where Kelly was concerned but he closed his eyes and tried to hold still while Casey did it. Matt looked at Voight, who looked about as helpless as Casey felt. He looked back at Kelly, trying not to physically recoil from the anticipated touch, but as Casey moved a hand towards him, he saw Severide bracing himself against the floor, feeling the cut through the air as Casey came closer to him. Casey didn't want to prolong Kelly's discomfort anymore than was necessary, so he very quickly touched Severide's chest and just over the knee on his right leg.

"Okay, Kelly, can you tell me where I touched you?' he asked.

Without even opening his eyes, Kelly traced over the same spots Casey had touched.

"Okay, that's great," Casey was relieved to have all that over with, "so it should be safe for you to move. _Can_ you get up, Kelly?"

Severide opened his eyes and looked uncertainly up at the Truck lieutenant. A bunch of small broken sounds came from his throat and he didn't appear to be any closer to composing himself than when they'd first come in, and Casey truly felt helpless and didn't know what they needed to do next.

Voight got on one side of Kelly, Casey got on the other and between the two of them they grabbed him and slowly pulled him to his feet, and stayed on either side of him and watched to see if he was able to keep himself upright without their support. Kelly very slowly and very reluctantly let go of them and shakily and unsteadily stood on his feet, he grabbed hold of them again to keep himself balanced, and when he finally found his equilibrium, he let go of them again...and then sank down to the floor again, Casey and Hank grabbing him at the last second before he totally collapsed.

"Can you get him into the bathroom?" Voight asked Matt.

Casey nodded, "Yeah, I think so."

"Good," Voight nodded in response. "Help him get cleaned up."

Casey didn't say anything but he shot Hank a look as if the Intelligence sergeant had lost his mind. He looked at Kelly, painful as it was to see what had been done to him and what he'd been reduced to, and all he could see was skeins of forensic evidence that could be collected, so the cops could find out who had attacked him. Once Kelly was cleaned up, all that DNA would be lost forever, washed down the drain.

Voight added, with a knowing look that only Casey saw, "You help him get a shower, and I'll start cleaning up out here."

There was something in the way he said it that Casey caught on, that there was still plenty of DNA evidence on the living room floor that could still be collected for testing, without having to put Kelly through any further trauma at all. Casey slowly nodded his head in understanding, and took the lead as he grabbed Kelly's arm and draped it over his shoulders and helped him to his feet. Severide was still half out of his mind in hysteria from the attack, and though he briefly protested when Casey touched his arm, there was otherwise no protest from him.

"Come on, Kelly," Matt told his friend, hoping that he was actually somehow able to gain Severide's trust, "it's going to be alright."


	2. Chapter 2

Getting Kelly to the bathroom hadn't been easy. It was plain to see that the Squad lieutenant was in some state of shock from what had happened to him, Casey hoped that as time passed they'd be able to get him to snap out of it. First thing first they had to get him cleaned up, Kelly braced himself against the wall in the bathroom and refused to move any further. Casey got the water running for the shower and checked it to make sure it wasn't too hot or cold for him, easily anticipating a bad reaction from Kelly for either extreme. He waited until the water was just tepid and decided that was the best bet. His stomach turned again as he looked to Kelly, standing with his back pressed to the wall, a blank, haunted look in his eyes, and his body covered in bruises, bite marks, and half dried bodily fluids. So many questions he didn't even want inside of his head just racing around, trying to make some sense of what had taken place tonight, but there was nothing, and he knew there wouldn't be. Nothing about any of this could ever make any sense.

Matt held his hands up at his sides as he approached Kelly and calmly told him, "Come on, Kelly, we need to get you cleaned up."

Kelly pressed himself tighter against the wall and started shaking his head and murmuring something incoherent.

"It's alright, Kelly," Casey tried to reassure him, "nobody's going to hurt you."

Casey reached his hand out to Kelly but the Squad lieutenant's eyes shifted at the movement and the next thing Casey was aware of was Kelly trying to rush him. Casey grabbed Kelly by the shoulders, but quickly felt the air being knocked out of him by Kelly's fists hitting him on the back along both shoulder blades. Matt groaned and jerked at each impact but still maintained his hold on Kelly so he couldn't get away, then Kelly used his weight to reverse their positions and he slammed Casey's back against the wall.

"Ha-" Casey tried to call for the Intelligence sergeant for help but the rest of the word was replaced with a pained 'ugh!' as he felt the wind knocked out of him. Kelly slammed him into the wall again and Casey thought he'd either die from lack of oxygen or from everything in his body being broken, whichever came first.

Voight entered the bathroom and grabbed Severide from behind to pull him off of Casey. Kelly was screaming like a wild animal caught in a trap and tried to turn around to hit Voight. Casey caught his breath and jumped into the melee and helped Hank wrestle Kelly to the floor. When they did, he screamed even louder and struggled to get out from under them.

"Kelly..._KELLY!_" Casey tried to get his best friend to look at him, to see him, to realize where he was and know he was no longer under attack from whoever had raped him. Severide stopped screaming and Casey hoped that it was starting to dawn on him that he wasn't in any danger. "Kelly, you need to _calm down_."

Severide looked at him, his eyes blinked a few times as if he was just now seeing who was talking to him. "Matt?"

"Kelly, it's alright, you're safe now."

Kelly's eyes shifted around the room and something must've been coming back to him, because his face scrunched up in an expression of horror and disgust, especially, Casey realized, as it occurred to him that the sheet that had been wrapped around him was now pooled on the floor below him, and as a result of this, Kelly curled himself into a tight ball and tried to make himself as small as possible. As he did, Casey felt the acid from his stomach surging up to his throat as he was able to better see now the telltale purple bruises wrapped around Kelly's hips and marking his thighs, marks from the rapist's hands as he pinned Kelly down.

Voight got down on the floor in front of Kelly so the Squad lieutenant could see him, and said in a low, strangely calming tone, "Kelly...look at me, Kelly..." slowly he got Severide to do just that, and he told Kelly, "I know what happened to you was horrible, I know you're in pain, I know you're scared. It's over now, you're safe, nobody here is going to hurt you. But you need to get cleaned up, and if you can't stop doing this, we are going to _have_ to tie you up, and I know you don't want that."

At those words, Casey saw Kelly's eyes widen in fear, could _see_ his breaths becoming shallower and he was nearing panic again.

"You need to let us help you," Hank told him, "but you've got to work with us. Now we're gonna get you off the floor, and in the shower, but you've got to control yourself, got that?"

Kelly was already crying again and he pressed his face against the linoleum of the floor and his whole body was shaking. Casey got down on the other side of Kelly and said to him, "Kelly, I'm not going to hurt you, you know that, don't you?"

Severide turned his head to the side and tearfully, only half coherently pleaded, "Go away...please leave me alone."

"Kelly, you know I can't do that," Matt told him. He grabbed the discarded sheet and draped it over the lower half of Kelly's body as he lay on the floor trembling. "Kelly, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, it's just us here, we're going to help you, okay?"

A pained sob was the only response as Kelly tried to press himself closer to the floor.

"Kelly," Casey spoke softly, trying to sound calmer than he actually felt, "we're going to get you up, you'll..."

Casey caught himself just before saying 'You'll feel better when you're clean'. It was a true statement but at the same time, Casey had no way of knowing what was going through Kelly's mind, all he remembered was a few time on TV crime shows hearing rape victims talk about never feeling clean after their attack.

"You'll feel better after you've had a shower," he told Kelly, cautiously reaching a hand out and smoothing back the short, sweat soaked locks of Kelly's hair that stuck to his forehead.

Severide cringed against the touch but didn't try to lash out at him, which Casey hoped was a sign of progress.

"Stay with me, Kelly, we're going to stand you up," Casey told him. Voight got on the other side of Kelly and helped Casey pull him to his feet, Severide's bruised and battered body sagged against them and they had to walk him over to the shower and help him in.

"If you try doing this yourself and he panics again, he'll kill you," Voight told Matt.

Casey hated to agree but he knew Voight was right. Kelly was strong enough and dangerous enough when he didn't feel threatened, the way his mind was working right now, there was no telling what might happen.

The cop from Intelligence surprised Casey by offering, "I'll hold him up, you wash him."

Casey's eyes widened at that suggestion, but it seemed the best way to go. He took off his boots, and took his wallet, phone and keys out of his pockets and stepped into the shower and was immediately hit by the borderline cool water. Hank had already stepped in and had his arms under Kelly's armpits holding him steady, Kelly's head dropped on Hank's shoulder, and he didn't fight, or try to get away, he just stood there and moaned continuously, either at the water hitting the cuts on his body, the pain from all of his injuries, the humiliation of the situation he was currently in, or maybe all of the above. The space of the shower was slightly cramped with all three of them in it, making it even more awkward, but it had to be done. Casey got a soft wash rag, lathered it up with soap and tried to gently wash the blood and dirt and...he couldn't think about the rest, off of Kelly's body without touching him too much. The blood in the cuts and bites had congealed and stuck to the skin and Kelly particularly gasped any time one of the bloody scabs jerked the skin as it was scrubbed off of him. Casey watched to see if any of them started bleeding again, a few had a small drop rise to the surface but nothing too concerning.

It slowly occurred to Casey that Voight was talking to Kelly, at first he wasn't able to make out what the cop was saying, his voice was so low he almost couldn't be heard over the running water and Kelly's groans. As he worked he strained to hear what Voight said and eventually was able to make out a few words and realized Hank was trying to keep Kelly focused on him, and not what was going on. He imagined in some weird way, Voight must've had a lot of experience in this field, as a cop, working hostage situations, all kinds of scenarios, either keep somebody talking, or keep talking to them to distract them so they didn't notice what was going on until they could be arrested. Or...another thought came to mind, maybe the same amount of experience, from the other side of the spectrum. Keep victims distracted until paramedics could load them up and take them to the hospital, he wondered how often it actually worked?

Casey glanced down and felt his eyes double in size, and without a word, he looked at Voight and the Intelligence sergeant kept a hold of Kelly and also glanced down at the floor and saw what Casey saw, a drop of blood, and another, and another that just hit the floor and spattered into smaller drops, mixing with the water and swirling around the floor before finding their way to the drain. He'd keep an eye on it, if it got worse they'd get Kelly to the hospital, if it carried on like this, he'd have to examine Kelly himself to make the call whether to go to the hospital or not, but he hoped that it would stop soon. For now he just stuck to the task at hand, but found himself facing another difficult decision. As much as Kelly already didn't like Casey touching him to get him clean, Matt didn't think Kelly's peace of mind would fair any better if when this was all over he was still left with some of the blood and filth on him. So, much as he did _not_ want to do it, with an advanced apology, Casey made quick work of washing the very last places Kelly wanted to be touched right now. Kelly responded with a cringing moan and his body jerked against Voight's at the sudden contact.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," Casey found himself saying, "it's over now." But he doubted that news made Kelly feel any better about the whole thing.

His last course of action while Kelly had his back to him, was to wash his hair. He lathered up his hands and worked them through Kelly's hair, which ate up most of the suds, it felt greasy even to the touch through the shampoo. Casey worked in another layer and this time saw the white foaming bubbles cover most of Kelly's gradually graying hair. He already had his head down on Hank's shoulder and his eyes closed tight, as Casey rinsed the soap out Kelly moaned at the water running down his face.

"Okay, Kelly," Matt told him, "now I need you to turn around."

An involuntary whimper escaped the Squad lieutenant but begrudgingly he did as he was told and turned to face Casey, who carefully washed his face, then worked his way down. Muffled groans and other sounds of discomfort made their way past Kelly's clenched teeth as he forced himself not to try and break loose. He felt Voight grip him by the shoulder and heard the Intelligence sergeant's raspy voice in his ear trying to keep him calm, telling him it would be over soon, that he was doing well. Kelly squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out what the cop was saying, he just wanted everything to stop.

"Alright, Kelly," Casey said suddenly, "we're done."

The water shut off and Kelly finally opened his eyes and looked ready to bolt. Matt was dripping wet as he pulled the shower curtain back and grabbed a towel. He wrapped it around Kelly's waist and he and Voight helped Severide out of the shower. Once Kelly was fairly dry, Casey got a bottle of peroxide and some cotton balls from the medicine cabinet and set to work cleaning out the cuts and bite marks on Kelly's face and neck, his shoulders and arms, his back, his stomach, his thighs. Through it all, Kelly seemed to have lost all strength and energy to struggle, he sat on the sink counter and just blankly stared ahead and let the others do what they did.

When he finished, Casey tossed the cotton balls in the wastebasket and looked at Kelly and saw how exhausted he looked by the whole ordeal, and said calmly, "Alright, Kelly, come on, let's get you to bed so you can rest." He grabbed Kelly's wrist and he saw Severide tense up and brace himself at the touch, Casey soothingly said to him, "It's alright, you're safe now, we're going to help you get through this."

Kelly was steadier on his feet now but he lacked the energy to move on his own, so Hank took one arm and Casey took the other and guided him into the bedroom, which Casey noticed showed no signs of any struggle having taken place in it. Voight went over to the bed and pulled down the covers and helped Casey ease Kelly onto the mattress and drew the blankets up over him. A few tears had started rolling down from the corners of Kelly's eyes, but he closed his eyes about as soon as his head hit the pillow. They knew he wasn't asleep yet, but hoped that it would come soon, and hoped it would offer some temporary escape from what had happened to him that night.

Casey placed a cautious hand on Kelly's bicep and told him, "I'll be right outside if you need anything, try and get some sleep." And he turned and quietly followed Voight back out to the living room.

The first thing that Casey thought was he must've spent more time trying to get Kelly ready for the shower than he thought. The floor had been cleaned, the broken coffee table was gathered by the door to go out to the trash, the clothes that had been on the floor were nowhere to be found. Casey walked over to the sofa and promptly collapsed on it, feeling like he'd just pulled a triple shift, his eyes burned and his head felt like it was going to explode.

"How..." was the only thing he could even think to ask. The rest of the question failed him, he wasn't even sure _what_ he was feeling. He wanted to break something, he wanted to hurt someone...he wanted to know who was responsible and kill them.

Voight walked over to the couch and told the blonde lieutenant, "Even if Kelly knows that answer himself, he's not likely to tell you or anyone else what it is."

How could this be happening? How? Casey didn't understand. He'd talked to Kelly a few hours ago and everything was fine, _what_ had happened? It still felt unreal, it _had_ to be unreal, things like this didn't happen to people like Kelly. It didn't happen to...Casey didn't finish that thought, he knew that was just his emotions and his personal bias, not facts, not logic.

"What do I do?" he asked helplessly in a small voice. He turned to Voight and asked the cop, "How do I help him?"

Voight looked at him and answered, "You have to be patient with him, you can't push him to talk about it, or to do anything else, all you can do is be there for him, and accept the fact he might not want you around. We don't know what happened, and we don't know what's going through his mind, but I can give you a few of the most likely ideas. He's scared, and embarrassed, that this happened, and that we found out about it, that there's a witness to it. And it's not uncommon for rape victims to blame themselves for what happened. Whatever went down here tonight, he's going to be thinking of every possible way he _should've_ been able to stop it and mad at himself that he couldn't."

Casey looked up at him, eyes wide and full of desperation. "But how do I help him?"

There was a pause, finally Voight responded, "By being his friend."

"He doesn't want anyone to know...he's not going to talk to the cops...whoever did this..._can't_ just get away with it," Casey said helplessly.

Casey felt a hand on his shoulder and it took a few seconds for him to realize it was coming from Hank.

"I know this is a hard position for you to be in, Matt, but you've got to be patient and you've got to trust me," Voight told him.

"I've got a choice?" he asked hopelessly.

"How bad did he hit you?" Hank asked.

"Huh?" Casey didn't know what he was talking about, then he remembered Kelly bashing him into the wall. "Oh...it's nothing."

"I'll be the judge of that, get up and let me take a look," Voight told him.

Any other time Casey would've protested, but he honestly didn't have the energy for a fight. He stood up, remembering now that he was completely soaked and wishing he'd brought a change of clothes. He felt the air on his back as Voight pulled his shirt up, and felt his skin break out in goosebumps from the breeze.

"Mmm," Voight grunted in his usual way. "Got you good, nice mess of bruises."

"They're okay," Casey said dismissively.

As Voight pulled Casey's shirt back down he could see the Truck lieutenant starting to breath harder and his whole body was trembling.

"Come on, let's step outside a minute," he said.

He and Casey went out the door and Voight watched Casey pace back and forth a couple times before he stopped and dropped his head towards his chest and broke down crying. Voight consolingly patted him on the back and told him, "I know this is hard for you, Matt."

"How?" he said as he raised his head to look the cop in the eyes. "How could this happen to Kelly? I...I know," he struggled to pull himself together, "I know that's wrong, I know it can happen to _anyone_, but _why_ Kelly? _How_?"

"That's what we're going to find out," Hank told him. "First thing is we both need a change of clothes."

Casey just now realized that Voight had also gotten soaked when they helped Kelly get cleaned up. Not _as_ bad as Casey was, but the large water stains on his clothes were definitely noticeable."

"Give me the key to your apartment," Voight told him.

Casey did a double take, "My key?"

"I don't trust you driving right now, I'll grab us each some dry clothes and double back, if anything happens, call me."

Matt looked at him uncertainly for a minute, then slowly nodded his head and went to get his keys from the bathroom.

Voight headed down the steps and got to his car. As he closed the door, he took out his phone, and looked at the apartment and saw Casey had gone back in. He dialed a number and held the phone to his ear and tensely waited for the other person to answer.

"Benny? It's me," Hank said, "you need to get to Chicago right away, there's trouble. Benny..." Voight looked back to the apartment and answered, "It's Kelly."


	3. Chapter 3

Casey poked his head in Kelly's bedroom and saw the Squad lieutenant curled on his side in the bed, his eyes were closed but Casey doubted he was actually asleep.

"Kelly?" he called quietly. He saw Severide's eyebrows furrow at the sound of his name. Casey knew he was risking stepping into an ambush, but he entered the room and went over to the bed, pausing momentarily to set a glass of water on the nightstand, then leaned over and quietly asked his friend, "Is there anything you need, Kelly?"

Kelly kept his eyes closed and shook his head.

"Okay, if you change your mind, let me know." Without even thinking about it, Casey reached over and patted Kelly on the shoulder.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Kelly screamed as he shot up in the bed, his eyes open now.

Casey didn't remember moving but he suddenly found himself five feet back pressed against the dresser, his heart racing in his chest.

"I'm sorry, Kelly," he said, "I didn't-"

"Get away from me!" Kelly told him.

Casey's mouth fell open but no sound came out, his mind was blank and for a few seconds he couldn't even think. Finally he nodded and said, "Okay, Kelly...I'm sorry."

He left the bedroom and pulled the door shut behind him, but he didn't move away from the door. A few seconds later he could hear the muffled sounds of Kelly's anguished cries and a sound easily identifiable of him hitting the pillows and mattress with his fists.

Matt felt sick. This had to be the worst feeling in the world, he didn't know what had happened, and he didn't know how to help Kelly, and anything that his instincts told him to do were wrong. He paced around the living room running his hands through his hair and every so often jerking on the longer strands in frustration. Feeling like he'd lose his mind if he stood still, he went into the kitchen, and finally in a fit of helplessness, he sat under the kitchen table, pulled his knees to his chest and started crying.

* * *

Kelly opened his eyes and looked at the clock. 1:30 in the morning, he'd never been to sleep. He just lay in bed, trying to block out everything, and that wasn't working either. He didn't have the energy or the interest to get out of bed and go out to the living room, but the silence was starting to drive him nuts. He wasn't sure he'd get any answer, but he lifted his head off the pillow and called to the door, "Casey?"

A couple seconds later, the door opened slowly and Casey looked in. "I'm here, Kelly."

Kelly looked at him in the half-light pouring in from the living room, and self consciously he looked down as he said, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Casey stepped into the room but left the door open.

"Why...why did you come here?" Kelly asked him. "What's Voight doing here? Did you call him?"

"He was at Molly's," Casey explained, "When he heard I couldn't get hold of you, he said he was coming with me. I don't know why."

He didn't know why, but he was glad now that Voight did. As much of a nightmare as all of this was, Casey couldn't imagine trying to help Kelly through this alone, or not having anyone to talk to about it.

"Why are you here?" Kelly asked.

Casey looked at him for a second and resigned himself to the fact Kelly was still in shock, "We were supposed to meet at Molly's tonight, you never showed up. I tried calling...got your voicemail every time."

Kelly looked like the words weren't registering with him, Casey hoped that tomorrow he'd be more lucid.

"I'm not talking about what happened," he said suddenly.

"I wasn't going to ask you," Casey replied, though he was simultaneously terrified of knowing what happened, and about to go out of his mind wondering what Kelly knew, and could offer the police. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Kelly stopped making eye contact and shifted his gaze downward.

"Do you need anything?" Casey asked.

Even in the dark he could see Kelly fidgeting, as if trying to answer but unable to.

Casey knew he was risking a lot, but he decided to just bit the bullet and ask, "Kelly...can I hug you?"

Severide looked up at him and replied uncertainly, "I don't know..."

"You know I'm not going to hurt you," Casey said.

He wasn't sure that it would help the situation, but he _needed_ to be able to touch Kelly. That was one of the hardest things about this whole mess, no matter what the two of them had been through before, they were always there for each other...well, almost. This however was nothing like those times they kept their distance from each other on shift after something went down like Darden's death, or the Truck/Squad divide over the whole Rice incident. It didn't matter, anytime something serious went down, they could always go to each other, and Severide especially never had been a big believer in keeping his hands to himself. Everything that had already happened in the last few hours left Casey feeling more helpless now than at any other time in his life. He didn't know _who_ was responsible for this, he didn't know how to find him, he didn't know if he _would_ be found, he didn't know if Kelly knew who his attacker was or not and he couldn't ask, he couldn't do anything to help. All he wanted to do was hold his best friend in his arms and promise him it was going to be alright. Even though he couldn't, it was all he wanted.

Kelly hadn't budged on the question either way, Casey decided to take his chances, and he leaned down and very carefully put his arms around Kelly, just under his shoulders, Casey felt his throat tightening, he felt Kelly's breath against his neck and felt them getting heavier and heavier, and heard the small sobs just starting to rise up from his chest.

"I'm sorry, Kelly, I'm sorry." Sorry that he didn't know what was going on, sorry he wasn't there in time to stop it, sorry that there wasn't anything he could do to help. Sorry for so many different things.

He felt Kelly's hand grab for his shoulder, instead he balled up the material of Casey's shirt in his grip trying to cling to him. His breathing had turned to wheezing sobs and his chest was heaving. Casey held his friend tighter and tilted his head down and kissed Kelly on his temple.

When Casey finally tried to pull away, he felt both of Kelly's hands grabbing him, and Severide tried to talk, it took a few tries for him to actually make any words, "C-C-Casey..."

"I'm right here, Kelly."

"Please...please, stay..."

Casey's eyes widened as he tried to figure out what Kelly was saying. He didn't _want_ to leave him alone, but he also wasn't going to crowd Kelly if he wanted to be alone.

"I will," he said, not fully sure what he was agreeing to. "I'll stay."

Kelly reached behind him and pulled down the covers on the other side of the bed. Casey took the hint. He took off his boots and socks, went around to the other side and climbed in.

"Don't touch me," Kelly said suddenly.

Casey looked over at him in mild surprise, but said, "I won't." He took the wordless hint to stay on his own side of the bed.

Kelly moved onto his back and stared up towards the ceiling, but he still insisted, "Don't touch me."

"I'm not," Casey pointed out.

Kelly's breathing was rapid and shallow as he repeated, half to himself, almost as a mantra, "Don't touch me...don't touch me..." then suddenly he rolled over on Casey and tightly wrapped his arms around the blonde man as he broke down crying again.

Casey felt Kelly's weight crushing him but he didn't dare move. He just lay there as his best friend held tight to him, pressed his face into the crook of his neck and sobbed. It didn't take long for Casey to join him. Eventually, he didn't know how long it had been, he ignored Kelly's warning and wrapped one arm around his back and placed his other hand on the back of Kelly's head, and the two friends held on to each other and cried.

* * *

The whole city was dark the next morning. At 7:30 it looked like 9 o' clock at night, that's how dark everything was. The sky was black and it looked like it was going to start raining at any time. Voight looked out the window, then stepped away from it and paced around the apartment. He'd heard the commotion in the bedroom but he'd stayed in the living room to let Kelly and Casey sort it out for themselves. He could hear them crying for hours, finally about 4 A.M. it all died down and they'd finally fallen asleep. Hank took a step towards the bedroom and poked his head in. Kelly was half laying on Casey, his head resting on Matt's chest, one arm half wrapped around Casey, the other hanging over the side of the bed, Matt had one arm loosely draped over Kelly's back, and both men were dead to the world. He sure as hell wasn't going to wake them up. Instead he quietly retreated and headed back to the living room.

Benny hadn't gotten there yet. He'd called Hank a few hours ago to let him know that he'd been picked up for speeding, then for arguing with the officer about why he was going 90 in a 50 mph zone, and Voight put to test how much his pull exceeded past Chicago and after very calmly explaining to everybody from the arresting officer to his superiors who were in bed when he called, that it would be in their best interest to release Benny Severide from police custody, all charges dropped, and they'd finally seen things his way. But Benny still hadn't arrived and it was going on three hours later. Every so often Voight walked over to the window and looked out to the street. Finally, he heard a car engine, and he recognized Benny's car pull up, and Hank grabbed his jacket and headed out before Benny had a chance to come in.

He closed the door behind him just as he saw Benny slam his car door shut and walk around it to the curb. He saw the Intelligence cop standing on the stoop and marched up to him.

"Where is he, Hank? What happened? What's wrong with Kelly?"

"He's inside, he's resting right now," Hank said as he walked down the stairs.

"What happened, was there an accident?" Benny asked.

"Not exactly," he put a hand on Benny's shoulder to get his attention and told him, "I need to talk to you before you go in." He pointed to his own car parked behind Benny's, "Come on."

* * *

"WHAT!?" Benny screamed at the cop when Voight finished explaining the situation. He shook his head in disbelief, "This can't be happening, not to Kelly, _not_ to my son!"

The elder Severide beat his fists against the dashboard in frustration, Voight maintained a calm composure and told Benny, "I need you to calm down."

The only sign of that happening was when Benny drew his hand back in pain after hitting the wrong thing on the dashboard. He held his injured hand in the other and shook it angrily, and the anger started to turn to despair as he sighed and shook his head. "Both of them, Hank...first Katie, now Kelly, _how_ can this be happening? How could this happen to _both_ of my kids?"

"That's what we're trying to find out," Voight answered.

"So now what?"

"He got beat up pretty bad, he won't let us take him to the hospital, and I don't see us getting him out of the apartment anytime soon anyway...I think right now the best thing for him would be to stay on bed rest until he's at least somewhat recovered. Do you know if he keeps any sleeping pills in the house?"

Benny shrugged cluelessly, "I don't know...I can get some though...guess that'd be a blessing in disguise, if he's unconscious maybe he won't have to remember what happened."

Voight continued, "Now I know Kelly's the victim in all this, but I'm asking _your_ permission to pursue this case. Even without him going to the hospital we've got enough physical evidence to start looking for whoever did this. I know he won't consent to us investigating because he doesn't want anyone else finding out about this, but I'm asking for _your_ consent on this."

Benny noisily inhaled, and sighed, and looked at the cop, and said firmly, "You find him, Hank...you find him, bring him to me, I'll take his head off with my bare hands."

"We're working on it, Benny," Voight responded.

Benny looked to the front again and the fight quickly left him and instead he crumbled in the passenger seat and buried his face in his hands as a frustrated sob tore loose. Voight watched his old friend break down crying and without a word, put an arm around Benny's back and pulled the retired smoke eater against him and patted his back sympathetically. The tremors running through Benny's body reverberated against Hank and he _felt_ Severide's voice shaking as he mournfully wailed, "My son...my son..."

"I can't promise you word won't get out about this, Benny, all I can is that we'll do everything in our power to keep 51 out of this, they won't hear about it from us...I know how hard this is for you, I'm sorry, but we're going to do everything we can to find whoever did this."

Benny inhaled short noisy breaths as he pulled back and asked Hank, "Do you have any idea who it was?"

"Not at this time...I think Kelly knows, or at the very least could provide us with some crucial details...but he ain't gonna talk to us," Hank said. "But I did notice a few things that I think I got a rough idea what went down, and would explain why Kelly is so dead set against anybody finding out."

"Like what?" Benny asked.


	4. Chapter 4

The sky sounded like it just exploded with a deafening clap of thunder, Casey let out a startled gasping yelp as his eyes opened and he shot up in the bed and looked around to assess his surroundings.

He was in Kelly's bedroom, and it was raining out, correction, thunderstorming, it was dark out, but _not_ as dark as it had been before they went to sleep. So...either it was morning...or they'd slept until the next night. Either way, Casey wasn't sure what was going on. He turned his head and saw Kelly had sometime rolled back onto his own side of the bed and was asleep on his stomach with the side of his face pressed into his pillow. He moaned in his sleep, which was almost drowned out by the rolling thunder overheard and the pouring rain beating against the window, but Casey heard him. He looked to the clock on the nightstand and saw it was 10:30 A.M. Thunderstorms in the morning weren't too common and this storm had come out of nowhere.

Kelly's moans got louder, he almost sounded like he was in pain. Casey turned back to him and tried to figure out how to wake him up without touching him. He needed to know if Kelly actually was in any physical pain, or if it was just a nightmare.

Suddenly Kelly switched from moaning to murmuring something in his sleep, and Casey had to strain to make out what the words were. At first they were little more than isolated sounds, but gradually they started to sound more like he was actually saying something.

All Casey could make out though was Kelly murmuring what sounded like 'na ge, na ge' over and over, and he didn't have any idea what it meant. Then the words got a little more coherent, and Casey drew back in shock at what he'd heard.

* * *

Casey stumbled out to the living room and made a beeline to Voight who was coming from the kitchen with two steaming coffee mugs in his hand. "Hank, I need to talk to you."

"Kelly up yet?" Hank asked.

Casey shook his head. Hank handed him one of the coffee mugs and took a drink from the other one. "What's up?"

"Kelly started talking in his sleep, and..." Casey took in a breath, held onto it for a couple seconds as he decided what he was going to do, and came out and said, "at first I couldn't make it out...then he started saying, 'I'm not gay'. What does that mean?"

Voight's face revealed no insight whatsoever, instead he replied to Casey, "What do you think it means?"

Apparently Casey had already thought about what it meant, because Voight's remark just seemed to confirm what he'd already suspected, and his face turned to a mask of horror as he just barely got out a distressed, "Oh my God."

"When you got him into the bathroom last night," Voight told Casey, "I collected DNA from each of the stains on the floor to have the lab check all of them...the way things looked, either whoever raped Kelly did it several times...or there was more than one rapist...and either way, based on where we found him in the middle of it all, it looks like one of them was Kelly's own DNA."

Casey squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced at this revelation.

"Part of the reason why some victims don't come forward is because they know the defense _will_ bring up if they had a physical reaction to the attack, and can use that to try and prove consent," Voight explained. "And it can especially be difficult for a man to come forward with something like this...especially a straight man like Kelly Severide. Not only can the defense make this out to be consensual sex but also makes it out that Kelly is gay, which calls his entire infamous sexual history with women into question. The more they can discredit the victim as a liar, the better odds they can get their client a walk."

"Oh my God," Casey groaned as he dragged his hands across his face, trying to take all of this in.

"So you can appreciate what a nightmare this is for him," Hank said. "Even if he consciously _knows_ that what happened wasn't anything he did or he wanted, his body betrayed him, and now he has to wonder what else it might do to him that he doesn't want."

"Oh my God, do you think that's why...last night in the shower...he..."

"He's scared, Matt," Hank said simply. "He's scared what's going to happen if you touch him in any way and his body reacts to _that_ too, what it's going to mean. If this whole thing got taken to court before a jury, the defense attorney would be calling Severide's whole sexuality into question...I'm sure he's doing the same thing right now."

Casey didn't want to hear anymore. "And there's _nothing_ I can do to help him?"

"I told you you'll have to be patient," Voight said. "Now, he asked you to stay with him last night..."

"He didn't want me touching him."

"But you did anyway."

"Eventually...I just can't...I can't..."

"I know, it's hard," Hank said. "You see someone you love hurting and you want to hold them and you can't, that's one of the hardest things in the world. So is knowing somebody hurt them and not being able to do a thing about it."

Casey absently rubbed his eyes and asked him, "What do I do, Hank?"

"That's what we're going to figure out, Matt."

The front door opened and Casey turned to see Benny stepping in carrying several grocery bags.

"Oh hi, Matt," Benny said casually.

"Coffee's ready," Hank said, "you'll have to pour your own."

"Great, thanks, excuse me, Matt," Benny stepped around the blonde lieutenant and headed to the kitchen.

Casey turned back to Voight with a very puzzled look on his face.

"You know Severide's dad, Benny, right?" Hank asked.

"Uh, yeah...he elbowed me in the face once but I wouldn't really say that we're close," Casey said. He blinked and asked Voight, "_Why_ did you call Benny?"

"Because right now, Kelly needs to know he's not going through this alone," Hank answered. "And he might be able to throw us out, but he won't be able to throw his own dad out."

"You _told_ Benny? How could you do that?" Casey asked.

Voight looked at him and answered bluntly, "Because he has a right to know. Did Kelly ever tell you that Benny and I knew each other back in the day?"

"_What_?" Casey was dumbstruck for a few seconds. "No, he didn't." He definitely would've remembered _that_.

Voight thought back to that day when he just happened to run into Kelly, he'd just been released from prison, and Severide had gotten himself into hot water with one of the women working at 51, and had had a sexual harassment suit against him.

_"Just remember, squeakiest wheel always wins around here."_

The look on Kelly's face was nothing short of humorous. Hank Voight was definitely the last person he'd been expecting to run into that day.

_"Looks like it."_

He just couldn't resist asking, _"You're Benny Severide's kid, right?"_

Kelly looked even more confused as he'd answered, _"That's right."_

Voight couldn't suppress the grin as he fondly recalled, _"Oh Benny."_

The poor kid had no idea. And it was obvious from the shocked expression on Casey's face now that he didn't either.

"I don't get it," Matt said, "that whole time you were coming after me? Kelly never said anything."

"He didn't know at the time, he didn't find out until I got out prison," Voight explained. "But Benny and me were friends for years. I was there that night."

Casey squinted one eye questioningly, "What night?"

"When Kelly was born."

"Are you serious?"

"10:13 P.M., 8 pounds, 3 ounces, Jennifer had been in labor for 16 hours, and even back then he had a head full of black hair," Voight recalled fondly, "Benny was as proud as a father could get."

Casey shook his head as if trying to dislodge everything that was just making him more confused. "I don't get it, if you two were such good friends, how come Kelly never knew about you?"

"Because Jennifer didn't like me," Voight answered. "She thought I was a 'bad influence' on Benny."

That got a laugh out of Matt. "She clearly didn't know Benny too well."

"He was already married when we met, we saw each other around, one night he invited me over to dinner. It didn't take long for her to decide she didn't like me and she didn't want me coming around. And shortly after Kelly was born, she made the point if she ever caught me around their home _or_ at the firehouse when she came by, she would castrate _both_ of us."

Casey's eyes doubled in size in amusement. "Hank Voight scared of a woman?"

"You've never seen Kelly's mom when she's mad, trust me, that temper of his isn't strictly inherited from Benny," he replied. "Anyway, it was an ultimatum that wasn't worth fighting. So we just got together the nights he was off shift and away from the house. Back then there weren't really places like Molly's, there were cop bars, and firemen bars, which made it very interesting when we went out drinking the nights Benny was off shift."

"And once he walked out on them?" Casey asked.

"Benny was going through his own stuff then, I didn't see much of him for a while, and by the time we got back in touch Kelly didn't want to have much to do with Benny, it was a rough patch for everybody, and it was just easier that everybody keep their distance," Hank said. "We don't see each other as much these days as we'd like, but we keep in touch."

Casey didn't have any idea what to say to that. Voight closed the distance between them and told Matt, "This is one of the worst things a parent can ever find out happened to their kid. That's part of why I did what I did to keep my son out of prison. Everybody knows how common rape is there, and a cop's kid in gen pop?" Voight shook his head. "Somehow by the grace of God, Justin got through his sentence without anything like that happening."

That revelation left Casey feeling like he had a rock in his stomach. Now some things from back then were starting to make sense.

"But you were still going to put Kelly in prison for that hit and run," Casey said.

Unapolagetically, Voight answered without missing a beat, "Yeah. As bad as what Justin did was, he didn't kill anybody."

"What if he had?" Casey asked.

Hank looked at him, slowly inhaled, and responded, "I don't know. And you don't have any idea how grateful I am I never had to find out."

Getting back to the matter at hand, Voight told Matt, "People who are raped don't want anyone to know what happened to them, especially their families. But, they need support, they need people to help them get through it, and right now Benny's the only one who might be able to get through to Kelly."

* * *

Kelly turned over in the bed and was aware of the sensation of his tongue being dry and feeling like cotton. He opened his eyes and saw it was dark in his room, he didn't know what time it was but he knew it had to be tomorrow now. Outside he could hear rain pouring down, and he wondered what time it was. He turned to look at the clock, and instead he saw somebody sitting next to the bed.

"Hi, Kelly."

"Pop?" For a second, Kelly thought he had to be dreaming, then as the reality sunk in he recoiled in horror, "No...no! You can't be here..."

"Kelly, it's alright," Benny held a hand out, not touching Kelly but getting his attention, "I know."

"No!" Kelly pressed himself back flat against the mattress, "No!"

"Kelly, calm down, it's going to be alright."

"No it's not! What are you doing here? Did Casey call you?"

"No he didn't," Benny answered. "And I'm here because you're my son and I love you."

Kelly was quiet for a few seconds, but Benny could see the tears starting to build up in his eyes. When he opened his mouth, the only sound that came out was a choked sob. Benny grabbed Kelly's arm and pulled him up in a sitting position and hugged him.

"It's going to be alright, Kelly," he said as he held his son close to him and slowly rocked back and forth on the edge of the bed.

A series of small whimpers found their way out as Kelly clung tighter to his father and buried his face in the chest of Benny's shirt.

"I don't want everyone to know," he admitted in a very small voice.

"They're not going to know, Kelly," Benny told him. "But you _do_ have to talk to Hank and tell him what you know."

That got another broken sob from Kelly in response. Benny could appreciate how scared out of his mind Kelly had to be at the whole thing, but he wasn't going to sugarcoat it.

"I know you don't want to," Benny said, "but whoever did this, Kelly-"

"Noooo," the younger Severide moaned as his whole body started to tremble.

"Kelly, none of this is your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

Kelly was hysterical beyond words at that point, his breathing was ragged as he continued bawling. Benny comfortingly rubbed his back and waited a minute before telling him, "I know this is hard for you, Kelly, but we got through this before when it was Katie. And I know that doesn't make you feel any better being compared to your sister, but it doesn't mean what happened to _you_ was because of anything you did or didn't do or should've done, this isn't an issue of what kind of man you are, unfortunately it just happened. Sometimes horrible things just happen to people for no reason, it's not your fault."

Benny slipped his hand under Kelly's chin and tilted his head up to see him and kissed his son on the forehead. "I love you, son, and there's nothing in the world that can change that, you know that, don't you?"

A moaning sob left Kelly as he dropped his head on his dad's shoulder and held even tighter to him and confessed, "I was-so scared-"

"I'm sure you were," Benny said as he patted Kelly's back softly.

"I thought..." Kelly sucked in a loud breath to continue, "I thought I was going to die...then Matt and Voight came in, and I wished I had..."

Benny absentmindedly tightened his hold on Kelly. A few seconds later Kelly pushed away from him, and tried to pull himself together, tried to steady his voice as he cleared his throat and said, "I have...I have to get dressed." He'd just remembered he was only wearing a bath towel since he'd gotten out of the shower last night, and hoped his dad would take the hint and give him some privacy.

Instead, Benny looked at him and said, "Before you do, you need to let me examine you."

"What?" Kelly's face was mortified, "No!"

"Kelly, I understand you don't want anyone else finding out, but if you need to go to the hospital, that's all there is to it, I'll look you over and if I think it can be treated here, that's what we'll do."

"No," Kelly shook his head, "Pop!"

"Kelly, anything you have, I've already seen a million times on the guys from my company back in the day," Benny pointed out. "I can assure you there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Besides, not like it's the first time I've ever seen your butt, I only diapered it for two years, then I had to whoop it for another eight."

In spite of all the inner turmoil coursing through Kelly's head at the moment, that got a small laugh out of him. But he looked towards the door as if expecting someone to come in.

"I'll go get the stuff out of the medicine cabinet and we'll do it here," Benny told him, "then you can get dressed."

* * *

"How're you feeling, Kelly?" Benny asked a while later as he was wrapping up the examination.

Kelly sat on the edge of the bed with the towel draped over his lap as Benny rigorously applied antibiotic ointment to the cuts and bite marks that hadn't really improved overnight.

"Humiliated, embarrassed, dehumanized, take your pick," Kelly said in a deadpan tone as he stared at the wall ahead and waited for it all to be over.

"No, I mean what's hurting?" Benny replied as he finished coating Kelly's back. "A lot of these look worse than they are, but that don't mean they don't hurt."

Kelly slowly shook his head, "Didn't really notice."

Benny looked down at his son and was tempted to call him out for lying, but he just said, "Sure, okay." He finished bandaging the deeper wounds that needed the air kept out of them while they healed, and said suddenly, "Remember the summer you were 7 and we went up to Gray's Lake fishing?"

"...Yeah?" Kelly replied.

"Remember you thought it'd be so funny to dive under the barge and pretend you drowned, so I jumped off the boat trying to find you, and when I surfaced for air, there you were on the barge looking all innocent like _nothing_ had happened."

That got a small laugh out of Kelly. "Yeah, I remember."

"Remember when I pulled down your pants and took you over my knee for pulling that stunt?" Benny asked.

Kelly got quiet. "...Yeah...I remember." He remembered screaming and crying the whole time Benny spanked him, and it seemed like forever until it finally stopped. And he remembered crying half the night afterward because it had left him so sore, and terrified because he'd never seen his dad so angry before. He also remembered laying in his bed, and through his closed door hearing his parents 'talking loudly', which was his mother's way of assuring him they weren't fighting, which then grew to them arguing, though he couldn't make out what was being said. Finally he heard his dad's footsteps coming up the stairs, and the door opened, and Benny turned on the light, picked him up and told him to stop crying. A rare form for Benny, he actually apologized for spanking Kelly, but told him not to ever do that again, because he had never been so scared in his life that something horrible had happened to Kelly. He'd got the message loud and clear.

"I thought so, I told you I'd teach you a lesson you never forgot."

A small wry expression formed on Kelly's face, not exactly a smile but something in that neighborhood, and he quietly and self consciously replied, "Sorry about that."

Benny smiled at his son and told him, "It's okay, you were a kid, you might've _known_ better, but you couldn't imagine how scary it was to think something had happened to you."

Kelly thought back over the years to all the rescues and recoveries they'd done because a kid drowned in a pond, a lake, the close calls they'd had with kids who recovered, and all the ones that they didn't get there in time. The faces haunted him. So did the faces of the parents when they came out of the water and the paramedics didn't rush over with a gurney to the guys from Squad to get the victims to the hospital.

"I can now," he said in a small voice.

"I know, it's part of the territory," Benny said.

There was a pause, and the elder Severide's voice took on a somber tone as he said to his son, "You know that's not what this is, right?"

"What do you mean?" Kelly asked nervously.

"Don't get me wrong, you deserved getting your ass beaten for worrying me like that," Benny said, "but no matter what you did or didn't do, nothing that happened yesterday was your fault."

Kelly self consciously raised a hand to his face and pressed it over his eyes and said, "You don't know everything that happened."

"That doesn't matter, I know you didn't ask for this," Benny told him. "None of this is on you, Kelly, only on the bastard that did this."

Kelly was quiet for a minute, then he just barely responded, "Two...there were two of them."

Benny looked at him, and watched Kelly look away after that admission.

"Did you know them?"

Kelly shook his head and pursed his lips together.

"Would you know them if you saw them again?"

Kelly looked towards the wall, and finally, just barely, nodded his head. Then he dropped his head to his chest.

"It's alright, Kelly," Benny patted his shoulder, "It's okay." He screwed the cap back on the medicated ointment and said, "We're done now, you can get dressed. I'll get started on lunch."

"I'm not hungry," Kelly said.

"You need to eat," his dad replied. Benny picked up the tubes of ointment and the box of bandages and left the room and pulled the door closed behind him.

Voight stood in the middle of the room waiting for Benny's entrance. Casey was seated on the couch looking just as on edge as the cop.

"Well?" Hank asked.

Benny looked at him and answered, "Two. One set of teeth marks has an overbite, another one doesn't."

Casey closed his eyes and grimaced at the news. Voight maintained his stoic, unreadable expression, but Benny could tell even though Hank had had his suspicions about this, having it confirmed was hard for the cop to take in as well.

"He know who they were?"

"He says no," Benny said. "I think he's telling the truth."

Voight shook his head. "We're still waiting for the DNA to see if it's somebody in the system."

Benny merely nodded and headed to the kitchen. Voight turned around and saw Casey absently rocking back and forth on the couch with his hand balled up under his chin and a faraway look in his eyes.

"How're you holding up?" he asked the fireman.

"How should I be?" Casey replied.

Voight looked at him and answered, "About like that." He sat down on the couch next to Casey.

"What happens if you can't find them?" Matt asked.

"We will," Hank replied.

"And then what?" Casey turned to him. "Kelly's not going to get up in court and testify about this, and you know it."

"Might not have to," Voight told him. "The main thing is that we find them and get them off the street."

"For how long?" Matt wanted to know.

Hank reached over, patted Casey on the shoulder reassuringly and told him, "Let me worry about that."


	5. Chapter 5

Benny returned to the bedroom and saw Kelly had gotten dressed in a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and just crawled back into bed and was staring at the ceiling hopelessly.

"I made some soup, and I do remember how to feed you from when you were a baby, so if you don't eat it, I won't have any problem doing that myself," Benny told him, "but I can assure you you will _not_ like it."

That got Kelly's attention and he slowly pushed himself to sit up. Benny set the tray over his legs and a familiar scent hit him, stewed chicken, celery, carrots, and potatoes all cooked in a bottle's worth of tomato juice. He inhaled a whiff of it and sighed.

"Thanks, Pop," he said with little conviction as he picked up the spoon and stirred the steaming concoction.

"Kelly," Benny sat on the edge of the bed just next to Kelly's feet, "I know this is a difficult time for you right now, but you can't make yourself sick over it, that's not going to help."

"I _feel_ sick," Kelly replied as he swallowed a spoonful.

"I realize that, Kelly," his father said, "but you _are_ going to get past this, I know it doesn't feel like it now, you just have to be patient. I know, I know, that's not one of our family's better qualities." Benny was not oblivious to Kelly dropping his head down to hide the small smile of response his comment elicited, "But I know you can do it, son."

Kelly kept his head down for a minute, then looked him at him. "Pop...they're still here, aren't they? Casey, and Voight?"

Benny nodded, "In the living room."

Kelly sighed. "Why are they still here?"

"Casey's your friend, he wants to make sure you're alright."

"Why's Voight still here?" Kelly wanted to know.

"Because he's _my_ friend and he's worried about you too," Benny told him.

That got Kelly's attention. "Voight?"

"It's a long story, I'll explain it to you another time," Benny said.

"Tell them to leave."

"Why?"

"I don't want them here."

"Why not?"

"Pop..." Kelly looked like he was about to burst into tears, his eyes clearly begging his dad not to make him do this.

"Kelly, they know what happened, they're still here, you don't have to be embarrassed by their being here."

"But I _am_, Pop."

"Why?"

Now the tears were starting to come.

"I didn't want _anyone_ to know."

"There's no way you could've hidden this, Kelly," Benny told him.

"I could've tried."

"Oh yeah?" Benny gently raised Kelly's hand, pointing out the ligature mark on his wrist, "You're gonna wear long sleeves all summer?" He saw Kelly crumbling as his defenses fell away. "Kelly, all they want to do is help, you need to let them."

"How?"

"Trust them."

Kelly pushed the tray away and drew his knees to his chest.

"Kelly, whatever it is you're scared of them knowing, you don't have to be. You know Matt enough to know he's not going to ridicule you about what happened. All Hank's trying to do is help you, Kelly, he wants to catch the men who did this."

"And then what?" Kelly tearfully asked. After a couple labored breaths he tried to speak, every word was broken with sobs, "I have to go to court, tell everybody what happened, everybody knows...when the guys at 51 find out what happened, they'll never..."

"Kelly, _Kelly_, calm down and look at me," Benny gently grabbed his son's wrists to get his attention. Kelly looked at him and Benny said to him, "Don't you think that if I could do for you what we did for Katie, I would?"

Kelly sniffed and started to reply, "This is different..."

"Why, because you're my son and not my daughter?"

"If they'd tell...if you knew what happened..."

"Kelly, it doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!" Kelly wailed hopelessly. "I don't want you to know, I don't want anyone to know!"

"Kelly, that's what they're counting on," Benny pointed out. "They _know_ you don't want anyone to find out, so they trust you'll keep your mouth shut and they'll be free to do it again to someone else, someone else who also is too scared to let anybody know what happened, and would rather suffer in silence than tell the police and a courtroom...if you tell Hank what you know-"

"If he finds them he'll arrest them and then I have to testify," Kelly sobbed.

"You don't know Hank very well," Benny lightly replied. "Kelly, if he can find out who they are, we have a starting place to handle this."

"I don't want it handled, I want to forget it!"

"But you know that's not going to happen, Kelly," Benny said calmly. "You try and keep this to yourself and it's never going to leave you, it's going to possess your whole life." Kelly dropped his head to his knees as he cried, Benny leaned over and said gently, "If you let them help you, you'll feel a lot better than you think, because you'll know you're not going through this alone."

"You don't know what happened...if anybody found out, I'd...I'd..."

"Kelly, _nobody_ is going to think any less of you because of what they did to you," his dad told him.

"Yes they will," he replied, tears streaming down his face.

"I don't," Benny told him.

Kelly did a double take and his eyes widened in the horror of realization, "You...you know?"

"Hank told me his suspicions, he wanted to make sure I knew everything possible before I came in, no surprises...Kelly, it wasn't your fault."

But Severide didn't seem to hear him, instead he curled into a tighter ball, tearfully groaning, "No...no...this can't be happening!"

"Kelly, _look at me._"

"No!" Kelly weakly argued.

It took some physical persuasion on his part but Benny finally got Kelly to stretch back out, then pulled Kelly up against him and held his son in his arms.

"Kelly." As a father it was breaking Benny's heart to see what his son had been reduced to by this whole ordeal, Kelly pressed the side of his face against Benny's shirt as a series of borderline hyperventilating sobs escaped him.

"Calm down, Kelly, _breathe._ It's going to be alright."

"No it's not."

"Kelly, I know what happened and I'm still here, I don't think any differently of you, do you really think anybody from 51 would do any less?" Benny asked him.

Kelly was past the point of making actual words now, he just clung tight to his father and cried, and Benny felt tears starting to form in his own eyes, but he forced them back.

* * *

Voight entered the apartment and went over to the bedroom, pushed the door open and peered in. Both Severides were asleep on the bed, Kelly turned on his side with his head pressed against Benny's shoulder. Voight stepped back and pulled the door shut, turned around and spotted a pair of boots sticking over the arm of the couch, he stepped over and saw Casey pull himself up into a seated position, his eyes were red rimmed and it looked like he'd been crying for a while.

"What's wrong?" Voight asked.

Casey looked down and shook his head, not trusting himself to talk at the moment. He breathed in slowly and answered, his voice weak, "This whole thing is a mess, Hank."

"I know it, how long they been in there?" he asked.

"A couple hours...Kelly...he...they..." Casey gave up trying to explain, after a few seconds he managed to get out, "just quieted down about an hour ago.'

Voight nodded in understanding.

"This whole thing is going to _destroy_ Kelly," Casey said.

"No it won't, he's strong, he can get through it," Hank tried to reassure him.

"I don't know if _I_ can," Matt replied as he stood up. "I don't know what to do, Hank."

"I hate to break it to you, but this is the hard part of every investigation," Voight told him, "_waiting_ for something to develop. Look, Casey, there really isn't much you _can_ do right now, why don't you go on home and get some sleep? I'll let you know when we have something."

"I can't do that," Casey sounded insulted. "I can't leave Kelly."

"He's not going to be alone, Matt."

"If he needs me-"

Casey couldn't finish the sentence and let it die where it was. Voight looked at him, his trademarked stone faced expression that gave nothing away, but told the fireman, "This could be a long night, why don't you get another pot of coffee going?"

Casey sighed and nodded and went to the kitchen. Suddenly he turned on his heel, "Oh my God."

"What?"

"We're supposed to be on shift tomorrow, what am I-"

Voight was one step ahead of him. "Dial up Boden and give me your phone, I'll get it taken care of."

"What're you gonna do?" Casey asked as he took his phone out of his pocket.

"Never mind that, just get the coffee on, I'll deal with this," Hank said as he took the phone from Matt.

* * *

"Chief Boden, this is Hank Voight...yeah well I didn't think you'd answer if my number came up. Listen, I need you to take Casey and Severide off shift for tomorrow...sorry, Chief, but it's official business and I can't get into that. No, odds are when they come back on shift they won't be able to tell anyone about it either." Voight sighed as he paced around the kitchen, and said in a more personal tone, "Look, Chief...something's happened that is not my place to tell you about, only they can, and I don't think either of them are going to be anxious to tell anybody about what happened...they're okay now, but they're not going to be available for shift tomorrow, or probably the shift after that either, now that's all I can tell you at this time. Can you get a replacement for them?" Voight stopped pacing and slowly nodded his head, "Okay, that's all I needed to know. I appreciate this, Wallace, and I know they do too. Okay, thank you."

Casey entered the kitchen, Voight disconnected the call and told Casey as he handed him back the phone, "You two got a week before either of you have to show your faces at the firehouse again."

"Thanks, Hank...to be honest, I don't have any idea what we're going to tell them," Matt said.

"Let me worry about that, you're going to have your hands full as it is with Severide."

Casey sighed as he sat down at the table, "I just can't believe this is happening, Voight, I feel so...so..."

Voight picked up on what it was Casey couldn't bring himself to say and replied, "Everybody does in these cases, Matt, not just the victims, if the family finds out, everybody's left feeling helpless. That's why this is one of the worst crimes imaginable, _everybody_ suffers."

"And nothing's ever done about it," Casey lamented.

"Sometimes," Voight corrected him.

Casey looked at the cop and hesitantly asked, "What happened to him, Hank?"

"What do you mean?"

"He..." Casey thought back to the other night. He knew the words didn't make any sense but they came out anyway, "He just looks so...small, now." He remembered the sheer terror in Kelly's eyes, how scared he suddenly was, of everything. Even though he knew it was, in his head this was _not_ the same man he'd worked alongside and been friends with since their days at the academy a decade and a half ago.

Instead of answering him, Voight forced the lieutenant to look him in the eyes and told him, "Kelly's gonna be alright, Matt, but you've got to hang in there for the time being, for his sake _and_ yours."

Matt shook his head, "I don't think I can."

"You will," Voight said, not in an 'or else' tone, more along a paternal 'I know you can'.

The moment passed and Voight changed the subject by telling Casey, "Come on, let's get started on dinner, Kelly might not eat but I _know_ Benny will."

* * *

Benny sat at the foot of Kelly's bed and watched as his son poked at his food with his fork and struggled to actually get it into his mouth. After about the 12th bite, he pushed his plate away and shook his head with a sickened look on his face.

"Okay, that's good, Kelly," Benny said as he set the plate on the nightstand. "Do you need anything else?"

Kelly didn't say anything and just shook his head.

"Kelly."

"Huh?"

"Did they say anything?"

There was a pause, and Kelly's eyes were the only movement Benny could detect in the younger man. Finally, with a painful look of acknowledgement, he nodded.

"What did they say?"

Kelly pursed his lips tightly together and squinted his eyes, his chin started to tremble and he lowered his head and weakly shook it.

"It's okay, that's fine, Kelly," his dad told him, "It's alright."

Kelly's breathing became louder and heavier as he vainly tried to keep himself pulled together.

"Why don't you lie down and rest for a while," Benny suggested as he flattened the pillows under Kelly's head and eased his head on them, "and I'll check in on you later?'

Kelly's breathing was still labored but he managed a small nod.

"Okay," Benny pulled the covers up on him, stood over Kelly for a minute, then leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, "I love you, Kelly."

Kelly looked up at him for a few seconds, then finally responded, "I love you too, Pop."

Benny left the room and pulled the door shut behind him, and turned and saw Voight standing by the couch, and Matt Casey sprawled out on the couch passed out, with a blanket draped over him. Voight didn't say a word, just merely pointed to the kitchen, Benny nodded in agreement and the two older men went in there to talk.

"How's Kelly doing?" Hank asked.

"Just got to sleep," Benny answered as he put the dishes in the sink. "It never ends, does it?" He turned to his old friend and commented, "You never stop worrying about them...never stop, wanting to fix everything."

"I know," Hank said as he sat down at the table.

"Doesn't matter how old they get," Benny said, "somebody hurts your kid, they might as well be six years old again, all you want to do is..."

"I know," Hank nodded.

"I remember when he was a little kid," Benny turned from the sink and started to absently pace around the room, "used to come up to my side of the bed in the middle of the night, wake me up, 'Pop, there's a monster in my room it's gonna eat me!', and I'd get up, go turn on the lights, show him there was nothing there. Did that do the trick? No, he's convinced, as soon as I walk out that door, the monster's gonna eat him, so I have to stay in the room with him until he falls back asleep, because he figures as long as I'm there, the monster won't come back..." he turned and looked at Hank. "Now the monster's real...and I couldn't protect him."

"I know, none of us could," Voight said.

He could still remember being at the hospital when Kelly was born, he was about the fifth person to actually hold the newest member of the Severide family. He remembered commenting to Benny that that boy of his was going to make a lot of trouble in his life, a true Severide. Had it really been so long ago? Somewhere along the way that 8 pound wide eyed baby had turned into a 6 foot tall, 35 year old man, and now _here_ they were.

"I want to kill whoever did this, Hank," Benny said as he sat down across from him.

"I know, we'd do anything for our kids," Voight replied.

"Don't I know it..." After a brief pause, Benny added, "I'm sorry, Hank."

Voight blinked. "For what?"

"For listening to my ex-wife and not letting you be a part of Kelly's life when he was growing up," Benny said.

Voight leaned back in his chair and replied with a small smirk, "That would've made what happened between me and Matt Casey _very_ awkward for all of us."

Benny looked at the cop point blank and asked in a low-key amused tone as he gestured towards the living room, "Did you _really_ try to have that nice young man out there killed?"

Voight shrugged and remarked, "Not one of my proudest moments. But like you said, we do anything for our kids."

Benny's face turned to a look of total desperation and he mused half to himself, "Maybe if I'd raised Kelly to know you, he would've known he could've come to you if something was wrong."

"You think Kelly _knows_ the guys who did this?" Hank asked.

"Let's face it, Hank, they bust in when nobody else is home to see or hear anything, they bring restraints, they're here for, what, hours? They're in, they're out, _no_ witnesses...there's no way this was all just random," Benny said.

Voight lightly nodded in agreement. "Has Kelly said anything about having problems with anybody lately?"

"We ain't actually kept in touch for a while," Benny admitted not proudly.

"It happens," Hank replied.

"What if this was all my fault?" Benny suddenly asked.

"Kelly has your number, Benny, if there was something he wanted you to know, he would've called you," Voight pointed out.

Benny's eyes widened slightly and stared straight ahead and said in a hesitant voice, "No...not like that."

Hank could see the wheels turning in his friend's head. "What is it, Benny?"

"What if it's not random? But what if Kelly _doesn't_ know who it was?"

"What do you mean?"

With a look of horror, Benny turned to Voight and asked, "What if it _is_ like Katie?"

Voight furrowed his brow, "What do you mean?"

"You know what happened with my daughter."

Hank nodded, "Vince Keeler, never found him."

"He kidnapped and raped Katie because of his beef with Kelly, it was a sure way to hurt him," Benny said, speaking slowly as the pieces fell together for him. "What if this is the same thing?"

"Vince Keeler's gone," Voight pointed out.

"I don't mean him," Benny said. "You know in the day I put away a lot of arsonists, all of them severely pissed off that I was able to figure out who they were, my testimony sealed their fates...some of them made threats against me back in the day but nothing ever came of them. What if one of them got out recently, and found out about Kelly? It wouldn't be hard to do, same firehouse, same name, and Kelly makes his presence known...what if they decided to set him up for this just as payback for what I did?"

Voight's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward, "You got anybody in mind?"

Benny blinked, turned away and rubbed his eyes, "No, not right off the top of my head...I got a book at my cabin, all the arson cases I worked, if I got it, you could find out if any of them have been released lately, right?"

Hank nodded. "When can you get it?"

"I need time, I need to make sure Kelly's not going to panic if I'm gone," Benny said.

"I can keep an eye on him," Voight said.

"I appreciate it, Hank, but...I'm not sure it's enough," he replied.

"We'll figure something out," Hank told him.


	6. Chapter 6

Kelly opened his eyes, the room was dark, darker than before, it was night again. It was quiet, he didn't automatically hear anything, but after a little bit he heard footsteps coming towards the room, and he heard the door creak open.

"Kelly? You asleep?"

"I'm not hungry," he said as he rolled over onto his back.

"Oh?" Casey asked as he stepped into the room. "I don't suppose I can bribe you to swallow some ice cream then, can I?"

Kelly raised one eyebrow in confusion and asked, "Huh?" as he sat up.

With the meager light coming in through the window he could make out Casey holding two bowls with spoons in them.

"I found this in the freezer, you know you should clean it out more than once a year," Casey commented as he handed Kelly a bowl.

Severide took it and saw something dark covering the vanilla ice cream, before he spent too much time thinking about it, Matt explained, "There was a can of Hershey's syrup in the back of the fridge."

"Oh...thanks."

"Mind if I sit down?" Matt asked.

"Uh, no," Kelly answered, "I guess not."

"Thanks," Casey said as he went around the bed and sat up at the headboard on the other side.

"Why's it so quiet? Where's Benny?" Kelly asked.

"Went to the store, he said something about you being out of bourbon," Casey answered.

Kelly thought back and said, "I am not."

"You are _now_," Casey told him.

That got a small chuckle out of Kelly. "That's Benny."

"So...what do we talk about?" Casey asked earnestly.

Kelly thought for a minute and decided, "I don't know."

Casey looked towards him and asked, "Can I ask how you're doing?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, sorry."

"I'm sorry I hit you," Kelly said.

Casey stared at him for a few seconds, then responded, "It's okay."

"No it's not," Kelly replied.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Everybody keeps saying that...you know, don't you?"

"Know what?" Casey asked.

"They told you, didn't they?" Kelly asked.

"Told me what?" Casey asked.

"You know!"

Casey shook his head, "I'm sorry, I don't."

Kelly groaned in frustration and hit his head back against the headboard.

"All I _do_ know is everybody's just trying to help, Kelly."

"Who's everybody? Who else knows?" Severide asked.

"Just me, Voight, and Benny, that's it."

"You're sure?" Kelly asked.

"I swear."

Kelly let that sink in, but remarked, "I don't know that I trust you."

"That's your problem then," Casey said. "I'm telling the truth."

Kelly stared down in his bowl and wouldn't look at Casey as he quietly said, "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to keep apologizing, Kelly."

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," he told Matt.

Casey was quiet at first, then he replied, "Neither do I."

They ate in silence and when they were finished, Casey asked Severide, "You want me to take a look at your cuts?"

"Benny already did."

"I know, but it's probably time to change the bandages."

Kelly didn't answer but the expression on his face said he wasn't thrilled about it.

"I'll just check the ones on your back," Casey said, "you won't have to get undressed."

Kelly sighed and said with a grunt, "I suppose so."

"You want to do it here?" Matt asked.

"Nah, let's go in the bathroom," Kelly got up from the bed.

* * *

"Looks like everything's healing well," Casey commented as he dabbed a new batch of antibiotic ointment on Kelly's wounds, not oblivious to the small cringes from the Squad lieutenant at the contact to his skin. "You should be good soon."

Kelly didn't speak as Casey worked, he just stood in the middle of the bathroom and held his body tall and rigid through the whole process. Casey cocked his head to the side and caught a glimpse of the pained expression on Severide's face.

"You okay, Kelly?"

"Fine, just get it over with," he said bluntly.

"Sorry, am I hurting you?" Matt asked.

"No, just get it done already," he insisted.

Casey nodded in understanding, he finished doctoring up the bites and cuts and pulled Kelly's shirt back down, Kelly flinched at the touch.

"Sorry," Casey said.

Kelly walked over towards the wall and leaned against it, seemingly exhausted by the mental strain everything had taken on him.

Casey tried to think what to do now. "Kelly, you want to go back to bed?"

Kelly didn't respond. Casey knew better, but he couldn't stop himself from reaching over to put a hand on his shoulder. Kelly sensed it and moved just before Casey touched him.

"Kelly-"

"Don't!"

Casey drew his hand back. "I'm sorry." He would never get used to this, he _hoped_ he didn't have to.

Kelly braced his arms against the wall to support himself as the rest of his body sagged forward, a defeated sigh escaping him, followed by a small, dry sob.

"Kelly..."

"Don't...touch me," he forced the words out.

The two of them stood there for a minute, Casey waiting to see what happened, Kelly forcing in a long breath, that came right back out as a hiccuping sob.

"Kelly," Matt said, breaking the otherwise silence, "what do you need me to do?"

"I want..." Kelly stopped himself as soon as the words were out, he just shook his head in defeat. He pushed away from the wall and steadied himself on his feet and wiped his face. "I just want..." he sighed, "I want my life back the way it was before any of this happened."

So did Casey.

Kelly wouldn't let Casey get near him but he finally forced himself to leave the bathroom and go back to the bedroom. He crawled under the covers and pulled them up tight and turned on his side facing away from Casey.

"Kelly," Casey called in from the door. He watched the other man's back tense at the sound of his name. "I'll be out here if you need anything, okay?"

There was no verbal response, just a mere nod from the back of his head. Casey nodded and closed the door behind him, as he took a few steps from the door, he could hear the muffled cries coming from the next room.

* * *

Kelly woke up screaming. It was a short-lived scream, but it was enough that he was aware of it. When he realized it was a nightmare and that his immediate surroundings didn't match what he'd just seen, he exhaled and tried to calm down, and laid his head back against the pillow. He waited a few seconds, listening to his heart pound in his chest, and he called out hesitantly, "Pop?"

He heard the door open and recognized the outline of his father standing in the doorway.

"I'm here, Kelly," Benny told him. "Are you okay?"

Kelly looked towards the ceiling and finally shook his head, "No." He was ashamed to admit it.

"Okay," Benny stepped into the room and went over to the bed. He stood over Kelly and asked him, "You want to tell me what it was?"

"Just a nightmare," Kelly groaned.

"You want to tell me about what?"

Kelly shook his head again. "No."

Benny paused a moment before asking him, "You know you can if you want to, right? I know there're some things a guy doesn't want to talk to his dad about, but we've never been 'most people', you know? I'm here for you, Kelly, no matter what."

Kelly nodded in understanding, then shook his head again, Benny could see the tears starting to build up in his eyes. "Please don't make me."

"Nobody's _making_ you do anything, Kelly," he pointed out as he stepped around the bed and sat on the other side. "Oh boy this takes me back, remember all those times as a kid you'd have a nightmare...I'd come in, sit on your bed," he reached over and grabbed Kelly's hand in his and calmly stroked his thumb over the back of his hand, "hold onto your hand, tell you nothing was going to get you because I wouldn't let it," he reached over with his other hand and soothingly stroked through Kelly's hair, "and eventually you'd fall back asleep."

Kelly's eyes shimmered in the scant moonlight at the memories, and he replied, "This isn't the same, Pop."

"I know, but I'm still here," Benny told him.

Kelly squeezed his eyes shut momentarily as he pursed his lips together in an expression that said he was doing everything in his power not to break down crying. Finally he opened his eyes again and with tears in his throat, said to his father, "Something's wrong with me."

"Nothing's wrong with you, Kelly," Benny told him. "You went through something horrible that _nobody_ should ever have to go through, and I'm sorry. If there was any way I could take it away from you, I would, if it meant my own life I'd do it in a heartbeat."

The tears were freely flowing down the sides of Kelly's face now as he responded, "I know, Pop."

"Just take it easy, Kelly, take a deep breath, breathe, breathe, good," Benny patted his son on the head, "that's good, son. I love you, Kelly."

Kelly blinked back the remaining tears and nodded his head. "I love you too."

"No matter what, you're always going to be my little boy," Benny told him.

Kelly choked on a sob that broke loose.

"Stop," Benny chided him as he stroked his hand over Kelly's forehead, "you're going to be fine, Kelly, trust me."

After a couple minutes Kelly became quiet, after a couple more minutes Benny looked and saw that Kelly had fallen asleep with Benny holding his hand in his own and stroking through his hair.

"Some things never change," the retired smoke eater said to himself. He leaned over and softly kissed his son on the forehead and whispered, "Goodnight, Kelly."

Benny realized that there wasn't any way to get up from the bed without waking Kelly up, so instead he stretched himself out and pulled up the covers and settled down to sleep beside his son.

* * *

The next night Kelly lay in his bed alone staring at the window, when he heard a knock, and heard Casey's muffled voice, "Severide, can I come in?"

"No, go away," he answered automatically.

The door opened and Casey entered asking in a smart aleck tone, "I couldn't hear you, did you say come in?"

"What do you want, Casey?" Kelly wouldn't turn over to see him.

Casey went over to the bed and climbed on the other side so Kelly had to look at him.

"Are you going to come out to the living room?"

Kelly tried to stare past him to the window and said nonchalantly, "Wasn't planning on it."

"Kelly..."

"I don't want everybody looking at me," he said in a depressed tone, "I don't want to be a spectacle."

"You're not, we're all just worried about you."

"Don't be."

"We want to help you," Casey said.

"You can't," Kelly said as he rolled over to face away from Matt.

"Kelly."

"_What_?"

"...Can I stay with you tonight?"

Kelly rolled back over and looked at Casey questioningly. "What?"

"Kelly, _please_ don't make me have to bunk on the couch with Voight again, you have no idea how bad that is," Casey told him.

That got a small laugh out of the Squad lieutenant. Then he thought of something.

"Why's Voight still here?"

"I don't know," Casey said.

"Isn't he supposed to be at the 21st?"

Casey shrugged.

"I'm not talking to him."

"I don't think he cares, Kelly," Matt said.

"Tell him to leave."

"I tried that already, he said 'no'," Casey replied.

Kelly's eyes moved one way, then the other. "What's he after?"

Casey shrugged again.

"I'm sorry, Casey."

"For what?"

"Everything...I don't know what's wrong with me," Kelly said, "and I hate it."

"Kelly, it's not your fault."

"Everybody keeps saying that."

"Because it's true."

"It's not, it can't be," Kelly insisted.

"Why?" Casey asked simply and quietly.

Kelly's eyes moved to focus on the wall. In his mind he could still hear himself screaming.


	7. Chapter 7

He'd heard the door kicked open. He'd been in the bathroom shaving before he headed out to Molly's, and he ran out to the living room to see what had happened and he saw two men by the door. He only got a glimpse of them but they weren't anybody he knew.

"What the he-"

Before he could finish the word, they'd charged him and knocked him to the floor, he tried to get up but one of them put him in a headlock and he felt the other grab his legs. He struggled and tried to break loose but to no avail. One of them hit him in the back and told him to shut up, it got him right on the base of the spine and knocked the wind out of him. He heard a ripping sound and felt air on his skin, he realized they'd cut his shirt off, then he felt a blade going down the outside of his hip and his thigh, felt the resistance of the thick denim of his jeans with the blade that was severing the seam on them. The tip of the knife jabbed him in the leg several times, he yelled and still tried to break loose, to get up, but two on one and they were bigger than he was, it was all an exercise in futility. He felt the air on his hip clear down to his ankle, then he recoiled at the feeling of the elastic waistband of his underwear being pulled to the side as they were ripped right off of him. Now he _knew_ what they were going to do to him and he screamed even louder and fought with everything he had, but one of them slammed his head against the floor, then he felt a boot crushing his neck and he couldn't breathe. Despite this he found himself weakly croaking out, "No...no...no..." over and over, not at them, just in disbelief that this was happening, it felt like he was in a nightmare but he knew he wasn't going to wake up from it.

He felt a set of hands roughly grabbing his ankles and felt something tied to them, then he heard a familiar ripping sound and felt a large hand slap him on the jaw and nose and felt a piece of duct tape covering his mouth. One of them, he didn't know which, said something to the effect of shutting him up so he didn't disturb the neighbors. Then Kelly felt one of them grab his wrists and pull his arms straight out in front of him, and they did it so hard he was screaming behind the tape, thinking the bones in his wrists were going to snap any second. Then he felt something cinched around them and he couldn't move his arms. Though his ankles were tied together he felt a set of hands digging into his hips and forcing his legs apart, Kelly shook his head and tried to scream, it just came out as a muffled groan though the gag. Then it got louder as he felt one of the men on top of him, the other was close by, they were both laughing at him, then Kelly felt his eyes widen to the point he could feel the blood vessels in his eyes breaking. He squeezed them shut in a futile attempt to try and block out what was happening to him, then he screamed so hard, though in comparison it could hardly be heard in the room, when a searing pain ripped through him that he'd never known before, and Kelly was sure he was going to die.

He wasn't aware of much other than the pain, he felt something on his back, his arm, his thigh, it only occurred to him after the fact that it was the knife, he couldn't distinguish what was blood from the cuts running down his skin and what was sweat, he was burning up and thought he was going to pass out, he wished he _would_ pass out so he didn't have to be aware of what was happening. Another pain hit him, and he realized it was somebody biting him, he felt their teeth tearing into his flesh, he tried to scream but he couldn't put out anymore effort than he already was, which wasn't loud enough to draw anybody's attention outside of the apartment. The hands on his hips grabbed his flesh so hard, he thought they were going to tear him clean open before they were done. Sweat was running down from his hair into his eyes and burnt them, and tears started falling from his eyes, some rolled down his cheeks, some straight hit the floor beneath him, all the while the two men violating him laughed sickeningly and called him several obscene names to humiliate him even further, and it worked. He screamed at the pain and the pressure on his ankles, his feet were about doubled over under him and felt like the bones were going to break from the weight of the man on top of him.

Kelly had endured a lot of pain on the job as a firefighter, but nothing he'd endured before could begin to compare to the excruciating agony he was experiencing right now, and he wished he'd either lose consciousness or just die so it would end and he'd be spared any further degradation. He wasn't sure when, but it eventually dawned on him that the more he tried to struggle and resist, the louder they were laughing, it was like they were getting off on him trying to fight, but every impulse in his head was screaming at him to do _anything_ except just lie there and take it. Even though he knew it wasn't doing him any good, he couldn't force himself to stop struggling against their hold. Just when he thought things couldn't possibly get any worse for him, they did. His eyes widened to their peak and he screamed in horror when he felt a familiar sensation and realized his body was reacting to the assault. No, _no!_ Of all the things he had to endure, _this_ could _not_ be happening to him! _No_! He didn't want this, he didn't want any part of it, he didn't, but as he futilely tried to resist, his body was saying otherwise. The tears building in his eyes were hot now and they spilled over as fast as they formed and it was getting increasingly difficult to breathe through his nose.

When Kelly thought he had finally suffered every indignity possible, he was sorely proven wrong when they flipped him over onto his back to start again, and now they _saw_, and this pleased them, and their laughter became even more blood chilling, Kelly could feel it straight down to his bones. One of them _grabbed_ him, Kelly could feel his body recoiling against the floor. Any other time if anybody had done that to him he would knock them on their ass and punch their lights out, but he was completely helpless, he couldn't do _anything_, and they rejoiced in this fact. The other one started to undo his belt and unzip his jeans, and Kelly threw his head back, his eyes closed as tight as possible, and knew that this hell he was being put through was just beginning. He wept from embarrassment when he felt his body spasm against his will, wishing that somehow this unending nightmare would finally be over.

There was no way to gauge how long his attack carried on for, all he knew was when it was finally over, there wasn't a muscle left in his body that felt like it could still function. His throat was raw from screaming, tears still ran from his eyes but he no longer possessed the strength to cry, every single part of him hurt like nothing he could've ever imagined. He was aware of his breathing, but little else.

The deep voice of one of the men grabbed his attention, it was the first thing either of them had said since the rape had ended.

"Yo, Jim, he ain't gonna tell anyone is he?"

The other man responded in a voice almost as deep. "Not if you kill him he won't."

"Nah," the first man said, "I mean he's a fireman," he chuckled maniacally. "Who's he gonna tell?"

His partner laughed in response. At that time Kelly wished they _would_ kill him, he couldn't face anyone who'd find his body.

A sound got his attention, the restraints were removed from his wrists and ankles, apparently since the two men decided there wasn't any chance of Severide reporting this to anybody, they didn't have any reason to keep him tied up. He heard their boots crunching against the floor, then the apartment was quiet, and he was alone.

The circulation was gone from his hands, he worked on flexing his fingers and shaking his hands to get the blood flowing again just so he could lift them off the floor, when that happened he reached up and peeled off the duct tape and dropped it on the floor. He slowly worked on turning himself over so he could stand up, he _had_ to get a shower, _had_ to get the blood and...he couldn't even think about what else, off of him, he had to clean everything up so nobody would ever find out what happened. As he moved, he felt blood starting to trickle down his skin, and it made him grimace, trying _not_ to think about it. He got onto his knees, and stood up and took a step.

It didn't occur to him that all circulation was also gone from his feet and when he stepped down, it was just like there was nothing under him and he fell flat on the floor, colliding with the coffee table on the way down. Half of his body hurt from the impact, and Kelly lost what little self control he'd been hanging onto. He screamed and yelled and beat the table with his fists until it broke into pieces and his knuckles were bloody and he was crying in pain, but even the pain couldn't take away anything that had happened to him that night. He didn't have the strength to get up, to even move, he just curled into a tight ball on the floor and cried.

He woke up once, and didn't know what time it was, he thought about getting up but he lacked any energy to move, he stayed on the floor and closed his eyes, wanting everything to just fall away.

He opened his eyes again, some time had passed, it was getting darker out, he decided he had to get up, but his whole body hurt to move, he half uncurled himself and half sprawled on the floor, but he still didn't have it in him to get up. He felt his eyes closing again and he couldn't stop himself.

He was cold. He was hurt. He was scared. He felt himself shaking, and he could hear himself moaning, and then he heard a familiar voice.

_"Oh my God, Kelly!"_

* * *

Kelly's whole face was sopping wet with tears as he finished recollecting the attack. He didn't know why he did, he didn't know why he said anything, he'd had no intentions _to_ say anything, he was going to take this secret to his grave before he ever told a soul about it. And instead, he wound up confessing everything to Matt Casey, who laid 10 inches from him in the bed.

Casey had listened to the whole story, no interruptions, stayed on his own side of the bed through the whole thing, watched Kelly break down as the memories got too painful. Through it all, all he wanted to do was hug Kelly but he didn't dare touch him, least of all not until he finished recalling what had happened. And now the fallout began.

"Kelly," he took his chances and inched his way over to Kelly and put his arm around Severide, "it wasn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, it just happened."

"But _why_ did it happen?" Kelly wailed helplessly.

Casey shook his head, "I don't know, but it's nothing you did."

Kelly shook his head, hardly able to talk now, only able to get out a weak, "I didn't want...I didn't want..."

Matt rubbed Kelly's back and told him, "I know, I know, Kelly, _nobody_ would think you did."

Kelly leaned against him and just cried, all the pain and fear and humiliation just as strong now as it was when it happened.

"Something's wrong with me," he forced the words out.

"No," Casey shook his head, "nothing's wrong with you, Kelly."

"It has to be!" he tearfully insisted, "_Why_ did it happen?"

"Kelly, it doesn't mean anything," Casey tried to assure him.

"It has to!" Kelly replied, "It has to mean something!"

"You want to know what it means, Kelly?" Matt asked him. "Nothing, it means absolutely nothing, we can discuss this all day and I know a lot of people have a lot of psychological theories about it all, but what it all comes down to is it's just an involuntary muscle response, it's nothing you can help. It _doesn't_ mean you wanted what happened to you."

"But why did it happen now when it's never happened before?" Kelly asked.

Casey shook his head. "Kelly, you know as well as I do there has _never_ in the history of the entire planet been a single man who could control his erections. If anybody could it'd save _everybody_ a lot of trouble."

"But this never-happened-before, Casey," Kelly said helplessly, unable to piece together what it meant.

Casey sighed. "Come on, Kelly, it's happened to all of us, not just wrong place wrong time, sometimes _worst_ wrong place at the _worst_ wrong time. Truth be told if you didn't let yours do all the thinking for you, you wouldn't get into half the trouble with all the women that you have."

"That's different," Kelly told him. "I _wanted_ to be with them."

Casey managed a small smile and calmly responded, "All due respect, Kelly, I think some of them were cases where your groin told your brain you wanted to be with them, not the other way around. Just because you enjoyed most of them doesn't mean you can control them, that's just a coincidence." As Kelly opened his mouth to respond, Casey cut him off, "Think back for a minute, how many times did you go home with a woman and you couldn't even remember her name the next day? What do you _really_ think spurred those decisions to pick them up?"

Kelly closed his eyes and through his tears, there was a very faint smile and just a hint of a laugh, but it didn't last.

"This is different," he insisted.

Casey thought for a minute. "And that's why you didn't want me to touch you, and the shower?"

The humiliation was clear in Kelly's voice as he answered, "I was scared it'd happen again...I didn't want you disgusted with me anymore than you already were."

"Kelly," Casey sighed and told him, "I'm disgusted by what happened to you, not _you_. I never thought for one second that anything that happened was in any way your fault."

"But you didn't know..."

"And when I did, it didn't change anything. Kelly," Casey used his thumbs to brush away the latest stream of tears running down Kelly's face, "There wasn't anything you could do to stop it, it just happened, it's like a hiccup, I know that doesn't make you feel any better but it's true. Alright, so you didn't want anyone to find out, but we did...I don't think any differently or any less of you for it, I know Benny doesn't. Anybody who knows you at all _wouldn't_ because they _do_ know you."

Kelly's whole body wracked with a particularly loud sob, then he told Matt, "_Nobody_ else can know."

"Kelly-"

"_Nobody_." He looked at Casey through half closed eyes suspiciously and asked, "Who else knows? Does anybody else know?"

Casey tried to calm him down, "Nobody else knows, nobody else is _going_ to know, just take it easy, Kelly. This is not as bad as you're making it out to be."

Kelly was beyond words and inconsolable, he fell against Casey, a hiccuping sob forcing his whole body to spasm. Casey held Kelly in his arms and calmly rubbed his back as he spoke softly, "It's alright, it's alright, it's over now, you're going to be alright."

* * *

Kelly opened his eyes. The lights from the street seemed to be shining particularly bright in the window tonight, by contrast everything else was pitch black. He didn't know what time it was, and he didn't care. He looked and saw Matt laying on his side asleep beside him on the bed. Kelly moved to sit up and the springs creaked, and Casey's eyes opened.

"Kelly, you okay?" he tiredly asked.

"I feel like I'm gonna puke," Kelly said as he sat up.

Casey lifted his head off the pillow and looked at him. "That's because you've been crying for four hours."

Kelly threw back the covers and jumped out of the bed and ran for the bathroom. Casey rolled onto his back and hit his head against the pillows just as he heard Kelly throwing up. Casey sighed, got up and followed Kelly to the bathroom, where he found Severide with his head in the sink, his whole body jerking as he lost the little bit he'd been subsiding on lately.

"Easy, easy," Casey said as he reached around and turned on the faucet, "breathe, Kelly, calm down."

Kelly went through two more spasms before he was just dry heaving and breathing rapidly. Casey got a washrag out of the cupboard and held it under the cold water and wrung it out over the back of Kelly's head and dabbed the back of his neck with it, "Take a deep breath, Kelly, settle down."

Kelly's body sagged against the counter and his spasms of nausea gave way to a series of small, exhausted sobs.

Casey rinsed the rag and wrung it out again, letting the cold water run down the top of Kelly's head. "You're okay, just calm down." He waited as Kelly's breathing became less hysterical, more drawn out, and when it actually seemed to be normal again, he said to Severide, "That good? Better now? Okay," he reached over and turned off the tap, "Stand up."

Kelly braced his hands against the counter to stand up straight. He grabbed a Kleenex and blew his nose, Casey saw his cheeks were streaked with tears and his eyes were bloodshot.

"Let's get your face washed," he said as he rinsed the rag again, folded it and lightly pressed it against Kelly's left eye, then the right, then lightly dabbed it across his face. "Better?"

Kelly sniffed and ran the back of his hand under his nose, "Yeah, thanks."

"Go sit down, I'll get you something to drink."

* * *

Casey looked through the fridge and didn't find any ginger ale, so he checked the cupboards to see if there was any he could put on ice. None there either, but he did find something he could use.

He'd overheard Brett talking a while back about how the new best thing for an upset stomach was a can of peaches in heavy syrup, you take the peaches out and drink the syrup, apparently it could even help cancer patients with their non-stop nausea. If it could do that, Casey thought as he clutched the slightly dented can and looked at the label specifying _heavy_ syrup, then it should be able to help Kelly. He opened it up, dished the peaches out with a fork and poured the rest into a glass, he _guessed_ room temperature would suffice, he'd never heard Brett say if it had to be cold.

He took the glass and made his way to the living room where Kelly was seated on the couch with his knees pulled up towards his chest.

"Drink this," he told Severide as he handed him the glass, "it should help."

Kelly weakly nodded and murmured, "Thanks."

Casey sat down on the couch next to him, "You feeling any better?"

Kelly shook his head as he set the glass on the coffee table, then looked at it and asked, "Where'd that come from?" He distinctly remembered pulverizing the coffee table until it was in pieces.

"You'll never believe it, Benny and Voight went out today and got it," Casey said.

Which led to Kelly's next question, "Where are they now?"

Casey just now seemed to notice the same thing. "I don't know."

"Oh my God," Kelly groaned, "if they heard what I said earlier..."

"Stop," Casey told him, though it was starting to dawn on him that the two older men _might_ have heard Kelly's confession and decided to give the two of them some privacy for the night, though he couldn't figure out where they'd go in the meantime. "Kelly, I'm pretty sure Voight has seen everything possible as a cop, and Benny...he loves you, that hasn't changed, you couldn't do anything _to_ change that."

"But it's so humiliating, Casey."

"I know, Kelly, that's _why_ things like this keep happening, because everybody's too embarrassed to tell anyone...I'm not saying you should go to the police and file a report, but since you did tell someone and don't have to haul this all around alone, maybe you'll be alright now."

Kelly sighed, "I wish that were true."

Casey looked at Severide and noticed he seemed to be trying to pull his knees even tighter against his chest.

"You cold?"

Kelly grunted something but Casey had a good idea it was a 'yes'. He grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch, pushed himself close against Kelly and draped it over both of them.

"Better?"

Kelly grunted again, it sounded like another positive. Casey looked at him, then leaned over and lightly kissed Kelly on the forehead and told him, "I love you, Kelly. You're my best friend."

Kelly didn't answer, but Casey wasn't really expecting him to. After a minute however, Kelly reached over and wrapped his arms around Casey's ribs and rested his head against Matt's shoulder. Casey didn't say anything, just wrapped his arm around Kelly and held him close, and the two of them sat in the dark and just waited.


	8. Chapter 8

Kelly opened his eyes and saw it was just starting to get light out. The city outside the living room windows was a light gray, meaning the sun would be up soon. He then realized that he was on top of somebody and turned his head and saw he was half laying on Casey, who was half laying on the couch and apparently still asleep.

"Matt?" he half whispered.

Casey's eyes blinked open, and he blinked a few more times. "Kelly...you okay?"

At first Kelly didn't have any idea what Matt was talking about. Then, slowly, the events of the previous night started to come back to him. Oh yes, now he remembered. But for some reason, it all seemed distant now, like it was part of a dream.

"Yeah...I think so," he said.

It then dawned on him that he was crushing Casey with his weight and he got off of him and sat on the end of the couch. Matt sat up, groaning after spending several hours in a cramped position with Kelly on his ribs, and looked at Severide and suggested, "Why don't you get a shower? You'll feel better."

Kelly nodded and got up from the couch.

Casey waited until Kelly was in the bathroom, and he stretched out on his back and moaned softly, and closed his eyes, and thought.

* * *

When Severide emerged from the bathroom clean and changed in a fresh set of clothes, Casey was in the kitchen waiting for him.

"Thought starting out with something bland might be a good idea," he said, "Toast and coffee?"

Kelly nodded. "Thanks." He took the offered plate and cup and sat down at the table, and looked around and noticed how quiet it was.

"Where is everybody?"

"Benny called when you were in the shower," Casey said. "Said he took Voight up to the cabin last night to show him something...didn't really get into what it was though, and they had a few drinks...and apparently they're both smart enough to know when they're too wasted to drive."

"Benny?" Kelly asked in disbelief.

"The way he tells it, that's nothing," Matt said. "He was telling me that after Voight gets a couple drinks in him, he starts mouthing off and picking fights."

Kelly took that in and slowly nodded, "Okay, _now_ I can see what they have in common. Man, Benny and _Voight_," Kelly shook his head, "I can't believe it."

"So those two were actually friends," Casey said, still in disbelief of this fact.

"I swear," Kelly raised his hand, "I had no idea."

"Yeah, I'm finding that out," Matt replied. "Apparently your mom didn't like Voight hanging around and made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

Kelly squinted his eyes in confusion. "My _mom_ knows Voight too?"

"Only well enough to threaten him," Matt told him, "Gotta tell you I'm anxious to hear _that_ story."

Kelly sighed, closed his eyes and pinched the skin next to his eyelids. "None of this makes any sense."

"I know," Casey replied, "But I gotta tell you, I've been watching them the last couple days, and I believe it."

If he was being honest, it was in fact unsettling to him to see Kelly's dad and the Intelligence cop so apparently close, it was like stepping into an episode of 'The Twilight Zone'. But it did finally start to explain Voight's unusual behavior from the time they found Kelly, _and_ if Casey was also honest, it had been a strange comfort to see the two men working together to figure out how to help Kelly, it gave him some hope that he wasn't going at this alone because he honestly didn't know if he'd be able to do it.

"So how're you doing today?" he asked Kelly.

"Better, actually," he answered. He inhaled, and sighed and looked around the room, then told Matt, "You were right...I can't...I know the whole thing was stupid, but..."

Casey looked at him and shook his head, "You can't help feeling what you do, Kelly, what happened should never have happened, to you or anyone else."

"I know..." Kelly's voice suddenly dropped as he looked at his plate, "but I can't help wondering why-"

Before he got a chance to finish that thought, Casey suddenly said, "I've been thinking..." at Kelly's gaze at him, he explained, "What if you came over to my place to stay for a while?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, it's four of us in a one bedroom right now, it's not comfortable by any means and it's awkward," Casey said, "I at least have a spare guest room, you and Benny could take it and if Voight insists on sticking around, he could take the couch, it'd be a win for everybody."

Kelly thought about it, then finally nodded. "Okay, yeah, if you don't mind."

"Like I said," Casey told him, "I can't sleep on the couch with Voight one more night."

Kelly busted out laughing.

And speaking of the devil, they heard voices near the front door and a second later it opened up and Benny and Hank stepped in, talking to each other.

"Leave it to you to get into it with a guy whose bumper sticker says 'If you're close enough to read this, I will kill you!'" Voight said.

Benny shrugged dismissively around the large pink bakery box he was carrying under one arm, "Big talk for somebody driving a Prius."

"Oh my God, they're bonding," Casey groaned.

"Hey! Look who's up and around," Benny said as he spotted Kelly at the table, "how're you doing, Kelly?"

"Uh, better," he answered off-guard. "What's that?"

Benny all but dropped the box on the table. "We stopped off and got some donuts for breakfast."

The two younger men looked at each other in mutual curiosity.

"Uh, Pop?" Kelly spoke up, "Where'd you guys go last night?"

"I took Hank up to see the cabin, he ain't been there since before you were born," Benny said, and took something from Voight, "Showed him this while we were up there." He dropped a book on the table.

Kelly looked at it and vaguely recalled, "Our old photo album?"

"Only half finished I'm sorry to say, but we sure got some good ones when we did," Benny said as he turned the cover over and started flipping through the stiff pages on the three ring binder. "Look at this one, first time I took you out on the boat, ooh boy were you scared."

Kelly groaned and covered his face with his hands at this sudden trip down memory lane, Casey looked on in amusement and laughed at Benny's stories accompanying the old photos.

* * *

Casey had mentioned his idea to the retired firefighter and the cop and they'd agreed to relocate to his apartment for the time being. Kelly was notably better than the last couple days but still not quite with it, Benny helped him pack a few changes of clothes to take to Matt's place, then he rode with his dad in Benny's car, Casey took his pickup, and Voight followed in his car. To anybody who didn't know them, Casey was sure it just looked like a normal piece of the traffic, but he looked in his rear view mirror at the two cars following him and knew there wasn't anything normal about any of this. He hoped that a change of scenery and getting away from the scene of his attack would do Kelly some good, he didn't mention it to anyone else, but he half suspected that was the reason Kelly wouldn't leave the bedroom the first couple of days, didn't want to go back to the living room, didn't want to see the place where it all had happened, the first time he'd set foot there was last night in the dark when he couldn't see anything.

Kelly got settled in to the guest room but didn't seem too eager to leave it either, shortly after he unpacked he crawled into the bed and stayed there the rest of the day. Casey knew that it was still a lot for him to deal with and he was still recovering, so he decided to leave Severide alone and let him rest. In the living room, Hank and Benny had parked themselves on the couch and Benny was still showing Voight some of the old photos from when Kelly was little. It was mind blowing to him to watch those two getting along so well, it truly was like they'd always been friends, it almost...Casey pushed that thought from his mind, he didn't want to make any comparison of Benny and Voight to the friendship he and Kelly had.

He was so tired. He'd done nothing but stand around the last few days, and there still wasn't anything he could do, he went into his own room and collapsed on the bed.

Some time later he heard the door creak open, and heard a set of footsteps.

"Matt." It was Benny, which surprised him. "How're you doing in all this?"

Casey was too tired to open his eyes, or even turn over on his back to see Benny, but he answered, "I'm not the one that was attacked."

"No, but you've been suffering right alongside Kelly through this whole thing," Benny replied, "and I know the toll it takes." He tried again, "How're you doing, Matt?"

Casey weakly insisted, "Fine."

"Kelly's very lucky to have you as a friend...I want to thank you for what you did."

That got Casey to open his eyes, briefly, he closed them again as he concluded, "I didn't do anything."

"If you hadn't come to check on him...there's no telling when he would've been found or what condition he would've been in then," Benny pointed out. "You saved his life."

Casey shook his head and insisted, "I didn't do anything." He couldn't even stick by his usual response of 'I was just doing my job', because this wasn't even that.

"Matt...I know what happened last night, he wouldn't have told me, he wouldn't have told Hank, he told you."

Casey didn't know how to respond to that, he didn't need to.

"He told you because he trusts you, he feels safe with you, Matt."

Casey opened one eye against his pillow and felt a strange flush of heat in his cheeks.

"I know this has been hard on you too, it's hard for all of us," Benny said, "we'll take it from here for a while."

Casey heard a noise cut through the air, then felt something draped over him and recognized the comforting weight of the extra sheet he left pooled at the foot of the bed.

"Get some rest, Casey," Benny said as he patted the lieutenant on the shoulder, "it's our shift now."

Casey didn't have any idea what that meant but he didn't need to be told twice, his closed his eyes and was soon dead to the world.

* * *

Voight opened the door and saw Kelly sitting up in the bed, hugging his knees and absently rocking back and forth.

"You okay?" he asked as he entered the room.

Kelly wouldn't look up at him.

"Why'd you tell Benny?" he wanted to know.

There was a tense silence in the air for a minute before Hank answered.

"He had to know, Kelly."

"Why?" he almost hissed the word.

Very calmly and simply, Voight told him, "Because he's your dad, and he has a right to know."

Kelly shook his head. "No he didn't."

Voight grunted in his usual way, and responded, "All dads got a right to know when somebody hurts their kids. Now I know, if the same thing had happened to Justin, he would _not_ want to tell me about it, but I know he'd _have_ to. I get it, Kelly, I know this is hard for you, I know you're scared, and embarrassed-"

"What would you know?" the Squad lieutenant asked quietly, still not looking at the cop.

"Unfortunately, I know a lot about this, what do you think I did before I was in the gang unit?" Voight asked. "I've seen this a lot of times, Kelly, and I've seen the victims that don't want to tell anyone what happened...and I've seen the toll it takes on them when their rapists are walking around free and nothing was done to stop them. It's not just the victim, Kelly, the whole family suffers for it."

There was a silence between them before Voight broke it, saying to Kelly, "Erin ever tell you how she came to live with me?"

Kelly still wouldn't make eye contact with the cop, he just shook his head.

"Wasn't my idea. My wife, Camille, decided that she was worth taking a chance on, figured if we could get her clean, get her away from her mother, from the guy who had his hooks in her, she'd be alright. I'm a cop, I've seen everything, I keep my eyes open to what's going on, knowing the odds are most likely Camille's gonna get her heart broken by this kid who's strung out and doesn't know which end is up. First few weeks were rough, but it got better...one night, when Camille was visiting her sister in Springfield, Erin doesn't come home until well after midnight. I'm sitting there in the dark when the door opens, she stumbles in, drops her stuff on the table, staggers up the stairs, has no idea I'm there. I go up, go in her room, she's already passed out on the bed, but not before she threw up all over herself. Now I can tell she's been drinking, most likely taken something as well...and I'm so glad that Camille isn't there to see Erin like this. I strip the bed, I carry her into the bathroom to get her cleaned up...as I'm getting her undressed to lay her in the tub, I can tell that she's had sex. Now..." he shrugged, "could just be she was with a boyfriend...but in the back of my mind I'm thinking all the rape cases I responded to, guy drugs a girl, spikes her drink, so she can't fight him off, maybe isn't even conscious for it. And no matter what, I can't get that thought out of my mind. I get her cleaned up, put her to bed, next morning she stumbles downstairs hungover, and as far as I can tell, she has _no_ recollection of what happened last night. It doesn't dawn on her that her ass is grass for coming home late, clearly intoxicated. And there are two ways I can look at this situation, either one, she slipped and went back to her old habits for one night...or somebody took advantage of her and she doesn't know it. So there are only two outcomes I can see for this, either it'll eventually come back to her and she'll remember it on her own...but if she honestly can't remember what happened that night, I'm not going to force her to, if she _can't_ remember, she's better off never knowing what happened. Either way, all I want to do is hunt down whoever did it and kill him, but I know there's nothing I can do, and as a parent, that's the worst feeling in the world. Camille came home that day, and as far as she knew it was just status quo. It would've broken her heart to know Erin went out and got high again after everything we'd done to help her, it would _kill_ her to know that Erin was raped. To this day I still don't know what really happened, as far as I know, the events of that night have never come back to her, and you have no idea how long and hard I hoped she wouldn't."

Kelly squeezed his body tighter against itself and Voight could see tears starting to roll down his face. Voight sat down beside him on the bed and put a strong arm around the younger firefighter, who made a small noise of protest at the contact, but it gave way to small quiet sobs.

"Everybody here is just trying to help you, Kelly," Voight told him, "you need to let them."

Kelly leaned against him, his resistance that he'd been holding onto by the last thread finally dissolved, small tremors running through his body as he cried softly.

"You're gonna be alright, Kelly," Voight said as he patted his back, "you're going to be okay."

* * *

"Trevor Morgan," Benny flipped to a new page in his book. "Set a bunch of small businesses on fire, everybody figured it was an insurance scam, turns out he just did it for the hell of it."

Voight put his phone to his ear and waited while the name was run. "Still locked up."

Benny flipped to another case. "Walter Jensen, torched a cop bar back in '78, balloon filled with diesel fuel stuck near the rafters, 20 people hospitalized, 6 cops with 2nd and 3rd degree burns."

Voight checked. "Died in a prison brawl three years ago."

"Too good for him," Benny grunted. He skimmed through to another case he worked. "Lester Woods, set a bomb in the basement of an apartment building, we got called out there for a possible gas leak, found it just before it went off, the whole company was sickened by this one."

Voight passed the information along to Antonio and waited. "Denied for parole 5 years ago."

Benny tried another one. "Michael Stevens, stabbed his wife 50 times and set her on fire, tried to make it look like the electric blanket malfunctioned, he thought her body would be too charred to find the injuries she sustained."

Voight checked. "Dead."

Benny was getting frustrated. On one hand he was relieved to know most of the arsonists he'd helped put away years ago were either still there, or had died behind bars. But he'd thought for sure that some of them had gotten out by now, and at least one of them would be looking for payback. He hated to admit it but he was afraid what it would mean if he couldn't find a connection between any of these guys he'd crossed paths with, and what happened to Kelly, he couldn't think of any reason anybody else would come after him, and he wasn't sure he could handle the fact it _was_ somehow all random.

He tried again. "Russell Swango." Just the name made acid rush to his throat and he wanted to puke, fortunately he was too sober for that to happen. "Set a 6 story walk-up on fire because he wanted to kill as many people as possible. We lost a lot of good men back then, the arsonists were one step ahead of us and knew how to sabotage a building so it was an instant death trap for the smoke eaters." Voight silently nodded in response. Benny recalled,"Sent two guys up to vent the roof, got up to the fifth floor and they fell through the fire escape, he'd sawed through two of the steps, they fell five stories and broke their necks, killed instantly. We got two more up to the roof, but when they went to start cutting, the roof gave way...he'd already sawed a hole in the roof, covered it with tar paper so nobody knew until it was too late. Both of them fell through and landed straight in the fire. We weren't able to recover the bodies."

Voight absentmindedly squeezed his eyes shut and covered his mouth at this revelation. Then he gave Antonio the man's name, and he told Benny, "He's putting me on hold, somebody's calling in."

"This is such a mess, Hank," Benny said, "I _never_ would've thought that somebody would come after Kelly because of me."

"We don't know yet that that's what this is," Hank pointed out.

"If it isn't, then _what_ is it?" Benny asked.

"Kelly's got his own share of enemies, if we come up empty here, we'll just keep checking," Voight said, then spoke into his phone, "What? They did? Okay, thanks." He lowered the phone from his ear and told Benny, "Got a hit on the DNA."

"Who?" Benny demanded to know.

"Nobody you know," Hank said, "Couple guys been in and out of prison a dozen times..." He put his phone to his ear again, "What's that? What?" The expression on Voight's face changed. "Okay, thanks."

"What is it?" Benny asked.

Voight disconnected the call and told Benny, "Russell Swango made parole three years ago."


	9. Chapter 9

Kelly shot up in bed screaming. It was just a brief yelp, but he was awake now, and hot.

There was a light rap on the door and Casey stuck his head in. "You okay?"

Kelly caught his breath and realized, "I'm soaked. What time is it?"

"2 o' clock," Casey said quietly as he went over to the bed, and Kelly realized there was a light shining in the room, it was from Casey's phone.

"What's going on?"

"Blackout, whole block's off right now," Casey said, "It's 84 degrees in here."

Kelly wasn't convinced that was the only reason he was soaked clear through.

"I need to get cleaned up," he said as he pushed back the covers and got up.

"Water's gonna be freezing cold," Matt pointed out.

"I don't care," Kelly said, "I'm miserable."

* * *

The water _was_ freezing cold but that didn't stop Kelly from filling up the tub halfway and getting in it to soak. He'd already washed off twice, but he still had a strange grimy feeling to his skin, like wood varnish that wouldn't wash off, he scrubbed until his skin about came off and it still felt the same. A disturbing thought entered his head and he found himself saying to himself, _"It's not in my head, it's not in my head"_, he didn't want to be one of _those_ people that 'never felt clean' after their attack. He just wanted to get back to normal, to the way everything was before this happened.

Casey entered the bathroom carrying two lit candles in jars and set them on the counter, breaking up Kelly's current thoughts, "Flashlight's dead, just my luck."

"The others up?" Kelly asked.

"Haven't seen them so I guess they're sleeping through it," Casey said. "You feeling better?"

Kelly slightly nodded as he fished the washrag out of the water and pressed it against his cheeks that still felt hot, "A little."

Casey went over and sat on the edge of the tub and watched him. "How're your..." he couldn't finish the question but gestured so Kelly got the point.

"Better," he answered, "...I suppose you'll be wanting to look at them again?"

"Maybe when the sun's up and I can actually see them," Casey replied. "Anything hurting?"

"Not much."

"Good...that's good...I don't know what to say."

"Neither do I," Kelly admitted.

"I'm just...sorry that I didn't get there earlier, I just thought...oh, he's busy, he'll be here soon, I should've come over sooner."

"It's not your fault, Matt," Kelly told him. "There probably wasn't anything you could've done even if you did."

"I could've stopped it."

Kelly shook his head. "Trust me, I don't think so."

From the faint shimmering candlelight Casey could see that Kelly was starting to shiver.

"Think you've been in that water long enough."

"I'm not cold," Kelly insisted.

"Still, you stay in there much longer and you'll have blue _everything_," Casey said as he reached for a towel.

Casey held the towel up as Kelly pulled himself out of the tub and stepped out. He wrapped it around himself and his teeth chattered slightly as he told Matt, "Thanks."

"I got the sheets changed, you should be good now," Casey said.

"Uh..." Kelly looked down for a second, then looked at Casey self consciously.

"What is it?"

"After I get dressed...would you stay?"

Casey looked at him and didn't say anything at first, then finally answered, "Sure, if you want."

Kelly nodded meekly. "Thank you."

"I'm here for anything you need," Casey said, "you know that."

"I know...but I hate asking."

"I know...but sometimes we have to," Matt replied.

* * *

Casey felt a pins and needles sensation in his hand, otherwise it felt completely numb. He opened his eyes and saw Kelly laying on his side facing Matt, asleep, with Casey's hand gripped in his and Kelly's other hand on top of it. Matt noticed it was morning and he wondered how long they'd been like that. He held his breath and picked up on a familiar sound, the timer on the microwave in the kitchen.

"Hey Kelly," he tiredly croaked, "Wake up, the power's back on."

Severide's eyes slowly opened and he sat up, "Huh?"

"It's morning, and the electricity's back on."

Kelly wasn't quite all there yet and he slowly processed this information. "I smell coffee."

"Hold it," Casey grabbed him by the wrist just before he got out of bed, "I told you I was going to look at your cuts when I could see them."

Kelly whined in protest.

"Come on," Casey told him, "it'll be over in a minute."

* * *

"Everything's looking good, Kelly, you _are_ a quick healer."

"Told you," Kelly said as he put his shirt back on. He turned to Casey and suddenly asked him, "Would you ask Benny to come in here for a minute?"

Casey was confused by this request but he agreed to go along with it. He left the room, through the walls Kelly could hear muffled talk, then Benny entered the room.

"How're you doing, Kelly?"

"Uh, fine, Pop, I got a favor to ask you."

"What's that?"

Kelly looked his father straight in the eyes and very solemnly said to him, "Don't tell Mom about this, please."

"Kelly, your mother lo-"

"_Don't_ tell her, _please_," Kelly begged him.

Benny looked at him and after a few seconds he nodded his head in understanding. "Of course you should realize I don't tell her anything anyway, that's one of the reasons we got divorced."

Kelly nodded in response, "Thanks, Pop."

"I know this is hard, Kelly, but you're going to be fine," Benny told him.

Kelly nodded again, but he didn't feel quite so sure about that.

* * *

After breakfast, Kelly headed back to the guest room. Something had been bugging him he wanted to get settled. He had been very comfortable with the lights out last night, he didn't have to see himself getting dressed, or undressed, didn't have to see the damage. Casey said that his injuries were healing very well, but Kelly suspected some were not the case. He'd been trying to avoid the mirror since he got there, he'd also avoided the one in his own room at his own apartment. But he found himself standing in front of the one on the back of the dresser. The cuts on his face were almost healed but still noticeable, but those weren't the ones that concerned him. Slowly, hesitantly, he took his shirt off and looked at his reflection. The bruises, the cuts, the bite marks, they were all still there, smaller, fainter, but he remembered each and every one of them. As hard as that was to take in, he unzipped his pants and slowly removed them.

He thought he could withstand everything else...everything except the purple marks on his hips and thighs. The finger marks, the nail indentations where the skin was broken. He looked at them, and he remembered the almost inhuman grip those hands had on him as he struggled, and tried so hard to get away, all for nothing.

He felt as if he was falling back to that time and place, the attack itself was starting again, all the fear, the pain, the terror, came charging back to him.

Kelly blinked and tried to remember where he was, but he felt lightheaded and nothing looked right. Everything looked a little wobbly, like his blood pressure was high, or his blood sugar was low. Either way he didn't feel good and he closed his eyes, waiting for the moment to pass. Everything was a little sturdier the next time he opened his eyes, and no longer able to stand the sight of himself in the mirror, he slowly got dressed again, but for some reason he didn't move from in front of the dresser, he kept staring at his reflection.

_I hate it, I hate it_, he thought to himself, watching his mirror image, _I hate __you__!_

He heard glass breaking, and he felt a sudden pain, he didn't remember _seeing_ anything, but he opened his eyes and found himself on the floor, with everybody huddled around him, trying to figure out what had happened.

Kelly pounded his bleeding fists against the floor and screamed and choked on sobs and forced out the question that had been haunting him.

"_Why?_ Why me? What...what did I do?"

He'd never asked that question before in his life. Not when he broke his neck and was looking at never returning to 51, not when he was facing possible total paralysis from the surgery, not when he lost two of his best friends on the job, not when he found out Rene had cheated on him, not when he found out the second Renee lied about her baby being his, no matter what happened, he'd never asked it before, and he didn't think it was too much to want an answer for now.

He felt somebody's arm on his back, he heard Casey's voice, it sounded distant, like he wasn't really there. But Kelly could hear him saying, "You didn't do anything wrong, Kelly, none of this is your fault."

But he couldn't accept that. This had happened for a reason, for _some_ reason, but what was it?

He felt somebody pulling him up from the floor and he felt somebody's arms around him, holding him tight, he didn't know who, he didn't care, he didn't care about anything anymore.

* * *

Casey opened his eyes and at first wasn't sure where he was, then he remembered he was in the spare bedroom of his apartment, and he turned his head and saw he was holding onto Severide, who was curled on his side and asleep, and apparently oblivious to the arms wrapped around his. His knuckles were bandaged up but the bandages were bloody, it took a minute for Casey to remember what had happened.

None of them knew what had happened, they'd heard the sound of glass breaking and Kelly screaming in the bedroom and they all ran to see what was going on. They'd found him on the floor, screaming, crying, writhing around, incoherent. The mirror on the dresser was broken and Kelly's hands were cut up. Nobody knew what happened but as Kelly tried to talk, it became obvious that they weren't anywhere near out of the woods yet.

Casey had managed to get Kelly up off of the floor, and sitting on the bed, and once he did, Kelly wouldn't let go of him. He held on to Kelly to try and calm him down, Benny doctored up Kelly's busted knuckles again while Voight cleaned up the glass. From there it was mainly a blur, Casey didn't even know what time it was. He looked to the clock and about panicked when he saw it was going on 5 o' clock, how long had he been asleep?

He let go of Kelly, who mumbled something in his sleep but otherwise didn't seem to notice the absence, and left the room and about collided with Voight in the living room.

"Sorry, I know it's late, I'll get started on dinner and-"

"Cool it, Casey," Voight told him, "that's already been taken care of."

"What?" Matt asked.

"Benny's picking up a couple pizzas for dinner, after what happened he thought you could use a break," Hank explained.

Casey didn't know what to say. He shook his head as if trying to clear the cobwebs from it and said, "I thought he was doing better, Hank."

The cop nodded and replied, "I know...he'll get there."

The front door opened and Benny entered the apartment carrying two pizza boxes, a six-pack of beer and a 2-liter bottle of soda tucked in the crook of his elbow.

"Hey Matt, good to see you're up, go see if Kelly's ready to eat," he said as he made his way to the kitchen.

Casey still didn't get it, but he went back to the spare room and saw Kelly was still asleep. He went over to the bed and shook him.

"Hm? Huh? What is it? What's happening?" Kelly asked as he woke up and turned over and saw Matt.

"Benny picked up dinner, so if you want it while it's warm you better get up."

A sudden commotion of screaming and breaking glass got both their attention and they ran out of the room to see what was going on. They followed it to the kitchen where Benny was yelling something and the floor was covered in broken shards of glass and liquid.

"Don't come in here," he told them and watched as they both jumped back.

"What happened?" Casey asked.

"I'm sorry, Matt, I was putting the beer down and it slipped," Benny said.

"Are you alright?" Casey asked as he stepped back into the room.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just feel like an idiot," the elder Severide answered. "Get back!" he repeated as he saw Casey inching his way in. "I'll get it cleaned up." He turned his attention to Kelly and said, "You especially don't come in here without your shoes on, you'll cut your feet. He addressed Casey again, "Again, Matt, I'm sorry about this."

"It's okay, I can get it-"

"No, no," Benny shook his head, "you've already put yourself out letting us stay here, I'll clean up this mess. You two go sit down, I'll let you know when it's safe to come in."

Casey still didn't get it, but he and Kelly sat on the couch in the living room and waited while they could hear the sound of broken glass being swept up and the faucet running.

"He seemed pretty upset," Casey noted.

"Man never wastes _any_ alcohol," Kelly said.

"Except what he pukes up."

"That's different."

A few minutes later Benny came out carrying four tall glasses of soda. "Okay, it should be safe to go in there now. Again, _sorry_, Matt."

"It's no problem, Benny."

"I've done a lot of dumb things, _never_ dropped a case of beer."

Voight came out from the kitchen carrying the two pizza boxes and four plates and set them on the coffee table so everybody could grab their own.

"Thanks for getting dinner, Benny," Casey said as he dished up three slices of pepperoni, "I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it, Matt, it's the least I could do."

* * *

That night Casey excused himself and turned in early. The stress of everything was taking its toll on him and he was exhausted. He was already in bed when he heard somebody knocking at his door. He turned and saw Kelly open it and step into the room. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Casey sat up, "what's up?"

Kelly hesitated before asking, "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Casey was mildly surprised but answered, "Of course." He reached over and pulled the covers back. "Hop in."

Kelly went over and crawled in beside him.

"How're you doing?" Casey asked.

Kelly pulled the covers up and said, "I'm tired of people asking how I'm doing. _That's_ how I'm doing."

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault," Kelly said. "It's just me, I don't have any idea what I'm doing anymore, Casey. I don't know...how to go on from this."

Casey reached over and put a hand on his shoulder and gripped it reassuringly. "Whatever you do, you know we'll help you."

Kelly grabbed his hand and said quietly, "I appreciate it."

* * *

Matt wasn't sure if he'd actually fallen asleep yet or not, or if he'd been going in and out of it for a while, but suddenly he heard something that woke him up. He looked over and saw Kelly turned on his side facing away from him, softly sobbing.

"Kelly," he wasn't sure if Severide was awake or not, "Kelly, you okay?"

Kelly surprised him by turning over to look at him, he looked like he'd been awake for a while. He sniffed and wiped at his face. "Sorry."

Casey closed the gap between them by sliding over beside Kelly and wrapping his arms around him, pulling the Squad lieutenant against him.

"I got you," he said quietly, "You're safe, go to sleep."

Kelly was rigid in his arms for a minute, then finally he relaxed and hugged Casey in return.

* * *

Benny went over to the bedroom door, quietly pushed it open and looked in. Even though the room was dark, he could make out the image of Kelly and Casey asleep in each other's arms in the middle of the bed, not appearing to have a care in the world.

"Sleep tight, kids," he whispered as he looked at them a second longer, then stepped back and pulled the door shut.

Voight was already waiting by the front door and watched as Benny grabbed his jacket.

"You ready?" Hank asked.

"Let's go," Benny said as they headed out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

Casey opened his eyes and saw the bedroom was starting to get light in the early morning. Kelly was curled against him with an arm draped over Casey's lower ribs, seemingly in a dead sleep still. What time _was_ it? Casey craned his head back and saw the clock read 6:30 A.M. How long had they been asleep?

"Kelly...Kelly."

A small snort caught in Kelly's throat as he opened his eyes. "Huh? What is it?"

"It's morning," Casey said.

Kelly sat up and looked around the room and realized something. "It's quiet."

The two firemen looked at each other, and without a word, both got out of bed and went to see what Voight and Benny were up to. As soon as they stepped out of the bedroom they both stopped and bumped into each other as they took in the very peculiar sight of the cop and the retired smoke eater both asleep on the couch, Voight on his side against the back cushions and Benny half laying against him and half laying flat with one foot on the floor. The two of them looked like a tornado would blow in and they still wouldn't wake up. Matt and Kelly looked at each other and shrugged in unison and decided to head to the kitchen and start on breakfast. As Kelly got the coffee on, Casey went to get the morning paper. He came back a moment later with it in hand, "They're still asleep."

"What the hell went on last night?" Kelly asked.

"I don't know," Matt replied as he set the paper on the table, then went to the fridge to get out the eggs and bacon.

Kelly got a bottle of orange juice out and poured himself a glass while he waited on the coffee, and unrolled the newspaper to see what was going on today. On the front page was a story about a paroled arsonist, Russell Swango, who was found dead during the secondary search of a house fire from last night. Now there was karma. Kelly looked at the picture of the man, something about him seemed familiar but it didn't ring a bell. Then again the guy was in his 70s, it could've been a case Benny worked back in the day. He turned the page, and his eyes widened.

Casey heard Kelly making a sort of choking gasping sound and turned around and saw Kelly looking like he was having a full blown panic attack.

"What is it, Kelly? What's wrong?"

He went over to the table and turned the paper around so he could look at it. On the inside page was a story about two men found dead after a gang riot two nights ago when the blackout occurred. The photos of the two were police mugshots, identifying the victims as James Manson, 43, and Victor Thornton, 44, both apparently had a long record full of charges of aggravated battery, robbery, and sexual assault. They were both white, both built large and both looked rough from the get-go, it would've been obvious to anybody to avoid these two at all costs. A small mention in the article noted that the blackout was found to have been caused by several power lines being shot down, as of yet nothing was definite but it was suspected the gang shootings were responsible for it, which led to a massive war between rival gangs who opened fire on one another in the blackened streets when neither side could see anything. The casualties from the gangs themselves, nine in all, were already forgotten by the morning press, and these two victims would soon join them, but for now they made the morning headline as being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Kelly still wasn't able to talk and just kept breathing raggedly, about to hyperventilate.

"Kelly," Casey was sure what he was seeing but he needed it confirmed all the same. "Are these the men? Are _these_ the ones who attacked you?"

He couldn't verbally answer, but he nodded his head. He tried to get up and instead he tripped and fell on the floor, Casey was down beside him in an instance. The noise brought Benny and Voight into the kitchen to find out what was the matter. Tears were running down Kelly's face now and loud choking sobs wracked his whole body. Benny pulled his son into a tight embrace and told him softly, "It's alright, Kelly, it's all over now, they can't hurt you anymore. It's over, you're alright. Calm down, shhh..."

* * *

"To us," Benny said as he and Hank clinked their glasses of whiskey as they sat in Voight's living room. Kelly had decided to stay with Casey for a while so the two older men decided to give them some space and relocated to Voight's house for a small celebration.

"To old friends," Voight seconded.

"To Kelly finally having some peace of mind," Benny added.

He thought back to the events of the last couple days. Hank had gotten the last known address of the two guys who matched the semen samples he'd sent to the lab. They'd gone over there and confronted them. And it hadn't just been mere coincidence the power lines were shot down at that time, the gang war itself couldn't fully be said to just be coincidence to have taken place at that exact time. Hank wasn't an amateur, after being a cop for 30 years, he knew what he was doing. In the midst of all that confusion, they'd ambushed the two ex-cons. They'd confessed that Russell Swango had hired them to attack Kelly to send a message. Then the other night, when Kelly and Matt were oblivious to everything going on around them, the two men had left the apartment and tracked down Swango. Benny still remembered that brief look of panic in the arsonist's face when they bust into his home and the retired smoke eater had introduced himself.

_"I'm Kelly Severide's father, remember me?"_

That look, only lasted for a couple of seconds before Swango was dead, but Benny would remember it for the rest of his life, and that brought him a little comfort after everything that they'd been through. And he hoped now that the bastard and the cronies he'd hired were all dead, that Kelly would finally be able to heal from all this.

"Thanks for helping me out, Hank."

"What're friends for?" They took a drink and Hank told him, "It has been good to see you again, Benny, I'm just sorry it wasn't under better circumstances."

Benny knocked back another drink and merely responded, "We'll keep in better touch this time."

The corner of Voight's mouth turned up in a small smile as he clinked his glass against Benny's. "Amen."

"I think I'll leave these with you," Benny said as he took a small bottle of sleeping pills out of his pocket and set them on the coffee table. "Those two will never know what went down."

"And if they do, they're smart enough they'll keep their mouths shut," Voight added. "Nice touch dropping the beer."

"Yeah well, it's easier to slip these in a glass of soda than in a sealed bottle of beer," Benny remarked. "The perfect revenge."

"The perfect justice," Voight corrected him.

"And Kelly and Matt are completely in the dark about it," Benny smirked.

"They had enough to deal with already," Voight said, "what they don't know won't hurt them."

"I'll drink to that," Benny replied.

Voight grinned and told him, "You'll drink to anything."

Benny busted out laughing.

* * *

"Hey, uh," Kelly met Casey as he came through the doorway to the living room and asked him, "Would it be alright if I stayed for a while?"

"Kelly, you can stay here as long as you want, you know that," Casey told him.

"I know...I just..." Kelly shook his head, "Not really looking forward to going back right away."

Casey understood, all the memories of what had happened, and now he'd be alone to deal with them. No, Casey would rather Kelly stay with him where somebody could keep an eye on him as he continued to recover.

"My house is your house, always has been."

Kelly nodded lightly. "Thanks...uh, Matt? Thanks for _everything_ you did."

Matt shook his head, "I didn't do anything."

"No, you did...more than I'll ever be able to pay back."

"Who's keeping score?" Casey asked. "You'd do the same if it was me, right?"

Kelly never thought about it before, but he nodded, "Yeah."

"There you go," Casey said. "I know you're tired of everybody asking, but how're you doing?"

"I think alright," he answered, "It still seems surreal...I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet."

Casey nodded. "It will. So are you going to take the guest room or...you want to bunk with me tonight?"

"I think I'll take the spare room," Kelly answered.

"Okay...if you change your mind, just come on in," Matt told him.

Kelly nodded, "Will do. Thanks, Casey."

"You're welcome."

* * *

They went back to 51 at the next shift. As they walked up the driveway, Casey asked Kelly, "You gonna talk to Boden?"

"I guess I have to. He's going to want to know what's been going on."

"You want me to go with you?" Casey asked. When Kelly didn't answer, he offered, "Or do you want me to tell him?"

Kelly shook his head, "No...I'll tell him...but I want you in the room."

Matt nodded. "I can do that."

They made their way from the apparatus floor to Boden's office to speak with him before shift started. Casey closed the door and stood by the window as Kelly, with much difficulty, explained the situation to Wallace. As the details started to spill out, it didn't escape Casey's attention that the color was draining out of Boden's face at Severide's recap of it all, the man actually looked to be turning an ashen gray at the horror of it all.

"Uh..." Kelly looked towards the floor once he'd finished and hesitantly told the battalion chief, "I would appreciate it if nobody else had to know about this."

Boden blinked, some of the color returning to his face. "Of course...it's perfectly understandable, Kelly..." he cleared his throat uncomfortably, "If there's anything you need..."

Kelly nodded slightly, "Thanks, Chief, I appreciate it."

As Severide turned for the door, Boden addressed the Truck lieutenant, "Casey, I need to have a word with you regarding the last incident report you filled out for that apartment fire last week."

"Oh...sure, Chief," Casey said, glancing at Kelly as he left the office and pulled the door shut behind him.

Boden waited until they were sure Kelly was gone, and he looked to Matt and asked, "How is he doing _really_?"

Casey paused, sighed and shook his head. "Some days are better than others."

"Understood."

There _was_ something Casey wanted to ask Boden about. "He's been having nightmares some nights...if...I'd have to go to his quarters during the night...or if he came over to mine...would that be a problem?"

Wallace shook his head. "I don't see any reason why it would be."

Casey nodded in relief. "Thanks, Chief. He's doing a lot better now than before, but he still kind of needs someone to keep an eye on him."

"Copy that, though I'm not sure returning to work this soon after is in his best interest," Boden pointed out.

"I know, he wants to prove he's still capable."

Boden slowly nodded as he took this in, and after a minute he said to Casey, "We'll keep an eye on him, if things start to look questionable I'll get a replacement to fill in for him. If Kelly _can_ keep his mind on his work, I'll keep him on here."

"Thanks, Chief."

A/N: This was originally going to be where the story ends but I decided to show more of Kelly's recovery, so it'll probably be a couple more chapters.


	11. Chapter 11

It was late, and the shift had been slow. Casey wasn't sure what had happened in their absence, but they'd only had five calls that day, all of them pretty minor, no traffic accidents, no building collapses, and three of the fires had been caused by a lit cigarette and resulted in little more damage than somebody's lawn being scorched, at one house it spread to part of the deck but was still easy to contain. Matt opened his door and stuck his head out and listened, everybody in the bunk room was asleep. He waited a minute to make sure nobody heard him, and quietly made his way over to Severide's quarters and listened at the door. Hearing nothing, he lightly rapped and opened it, asking quietly, "Can I come in?"

It was dark but he could make out Kelly laying in the middle of his bunk.

"Sure," he answered.

Casey stepped in, closed the door behind him and went over to the bed.

"You doing alright?"

"Yeah," Kelly answered, sounding more tired than anything.

Matt sat on the edge of the bunk and asked him teasingly, "Can you say anything longer than one syllable?"

"Nope," Kelly replied with a hint of a laugh.

"You want some company?"

"Sure."

Casey pulled up the edge of the blanket and slipped in beside him, he bumped his arm against Kelly's as the Squad lieutenant inched over to the other side.

"So...how're you doing, _really_?" Casey asked as he looked over at the man.

"Okay," Kelly answered.

"You sure?"

Kelly just nodded in response. Casey was willing to let it go at that for now. He turned on his side facing Kelly and said, "We better try to get some sleep before the bells go off."

Kelly grunted, "No argument there."

Casey propped one arm under the pillow and closed his eyes. He felt himself gradually going in and out of sleep and he wasn't sure how much time had passed but something woke him up. Even in the dark he knew the something in question was Kelly's hand lightly gripping his own. He listened, Kelly's breathing was steady, slow, rhythmic, as far as Matt could tell he had actually fallen asleep. Casey hoped he stayed that way, and reassuringly squeezed Kelly's hand in response as he closed his eyes and nodded off to sleep.

* * *

1 month later-

Casey woke up and realized he'd fallen asleep in the living room watching TV and it was going on 10:30. He grumbled to himself that he must be getting old. He reached for the remote, shut the TV off and got up from the couch and stretched his legs before heading for his bedroom. He heard the sound of a key in the front door and a second later Kelly stepped in, a surprised look on his face at finding Casey still up.

"Oh...hi..."

"I thought you had a date tonight," Casey said.

"I did," Kelly replied as he shut the door behind him.

It definitely wasn't like Kelly to come home this early after going out with a woman, especially if he wasn't bringing her back with him. Casey decided to take a stab at what happened.

"She have an angry boyfriend at home waiting for her?" he asked. Kelly didn't respond, so Casey tried again, "A husband?" Still nothing, and Casey was starting to get confused. "An older brother? ...A Doberman?" He squinted his eyes in puzzlement. "Seven dwarfs? How about three bears?"

"Nothing happened," Kelly said.

"So why'd you come home?"

"I mean _nothing_ happened, Casey."

It took Matt a couple seconds to figure out what he meant, then his eyebrows went up. "Oh...sorry."

Kelly shook his head and grumbled something to himself as he took off his jacket. "I started thinking about what you said before."

"What'd I say?" Casey asked.

Kelly shot him a knowing look. "You _know_."

His comment from over a month ago came back to him, the discussion they'd had after Kelly revealed what had actually taken place during his attack.

"I'm sorry, Kelly, I didn't mean-"

Kelly held his arm out and shook his hand dismissively, "Maybe you're right...we were having a great time then it started to hit me I really don't see us going out past tonight...maybe that had something to do with or maybe not, but..."

"Or maybe," Casey added. It was Kelly's first night out with a woman since his attack. "Maybe it's just too soon to jump back in the dating scene again."

Kelly shrugged helplessly. Casey stepped over to him and hugged him. "I'm sorry, Kelly."

"I just want things to get back to the way they were before," Kelly complained. "Is that so horrible?"

"Of course not. But you can't expect everything to be fixed the first time you go out with a woman."

Casey wasn't oblivious to the fact that Kelly didn't seem to be in any hurry to pull away.

"You want to watch TV for a while?"

Severide grunted indecisively.

"Come on, I just saw 'White Lightning''s going to be on the old movie channel." Casey finally broke away from the hug and picked up the remote and turned the TV back on. "You love that movie."

Kelly grunted concededly.

"You get the beers, I'll make the popcorn," Casey told him, sensing a long night ahead for both of them.

* * *

A few nights later Casey found himself bunking with Kelly in the guest room. It had been a rough night and Kelly needed the extra company to relax, Casey was just about asleep when he heard Kelly whispering to him from the other side of the bed.

"Casey...Casey."

"Hmm?" Casey opened his eyes and turned over to face Kelly, who was laying on his side facing Matt. "What is it?"

Kelly looked at him, the expression on his face indicating he wasn't sure if he should tell Casey what was on his mind or not. "What if something's wrong with me?"

Casey grumbled to himself. It was too late in the night to be having these kinds of discussions.

"What're you talking about?" he asked.

Kelly looked at him and asked, "What if things _never_ go back to normal again?"

Casey had an idea what it was Kelly was hinting at, and it was _still_ too late in the night to be talking about this.

"Kelly-"

"No, I know what you said, but what if...what if something happened..." by which Casey knew Kelly meant back during his attack, "and...I can't...what if it doesn't matter what woman I'm with..._nothing_ ever happens? What if nothing's ever the same again?"

"Kelly..." Casey was trying to be supportive and help his best friend, but he was exhausted and wanted to sleep. "You're just being impatient with yourself, when the time's right you'll know it."

"But what if-"

"Kelly," Casey raised a hand to get his attention, "Let me ask you a personal question. After you found out Rene cheated on you...how long was it before you slept with another woman?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Kelly asked defensively.

"Just answer the question, how long?"

"Are you kidding? _Months_."

"Ever think about it during that time?"

"Hell no."

"And how long did it take you to make Squad?"

"What's _that_ got to do with anything?"

"Months, right? During which time you were so determined to prove yourself, you didn't sleep with any woman, didn't even _date_ a woman, until you finally got placed on Rescue Squad."

"What's your point?" Kelly asked.

Casey tiredly rubbed his eyes and answered, "Maybe this isn't anything related to your attack...maybe this is just a natural dry patch for you. It _happens_, Kelly, even to a womanizer like you."

Kelly reached over and jabbed him with his elbow, "I am not." Casey lightly chuckled in response.

"It's not funny, Casey."

"Come on, Kelly, it happens, a _lot_, otherwise there wouldn't be a huge market for Viagra."

Kelly elbowed him again, "Shut up."

"Kelly, you worrying about it isn't going to help you any and you know it, it just makes things worse," Casey said. "You just need to relax and stop obsessing over it. Trust me, there is nothing wrong with you. It's just a matter of time."

But Severide couldn't let go of it. "What if it's not?"

"Kelly," Casey said to him in a firm tone he almost never used with the Squad lieutenant, "_calm-down_. Okay, first date was a washout, it happens, there'll be others, especially for you."

Kelly reached over and elbowed him again.

"What? I didn't say anything."

"Make sure you don't," Kelly replied as he turned over with his back to Casey.

Matt shook his head and settled back against his pillows. "Goodnight, Kelly."

"Goodnight," he grunted.

* * *

Casey was awakened by the noise of somebody frantically beating on the front door. He jumped out of bed and made his way to the living room, turning on the lights as he went, to find out what was going on. He unlocked the door and opened it, and saw Kelly standing on the stoop.

"I lost my key," he said with a pronounced slur of his words. He'd gone out to a bar that night, deciding to try his luck again, and Casey hadn't heard from him since. So this scene took him by surprise.

"What happened?" Casey stepped back so Severide could enter the apartment, he noticed Kelly's disheveled appearance and asked him, "Are you alright?"

His answer came in the form of Kelly tightly wrapping his arms around Casey, clinging to him, and his body tremoring as a series of frustrated groans escaped him.

"What's wrong, Kelly?" he asked.

A couple small whimpers escaped from Kelly's closed lips before he tried to respond, "Sorry, 'm sorry, it's all...all a mess."

"Take it easy, what happened?" Casey asked as he soothingly rubbed Kelly's back.

Kelly finally let go of Casey and stepped back, and without a word he went over to the couch and sat down. "I met this woman at the bar...we got to talking...had a few drinks...the...bartender took my keys at last call...her car was outside so we went back to her place."

Already Casey knew this hadn't ended well but he didn't know what had actually taken place, but based on Kelly's behavior, he was starting to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. He sat down beside Severide and waited for him to continue.

Kelly paused and rested a balled up hand against his cheek as he thought. He turned towards Matt and told him, "I really liked her...I thought..." he shook his head, "'Prob'ly just be a one time thing...I didn't care...just wanted to get back to normal."

"Kelly, what happened?" Matt calmly asked, dreading whatever was going to come next.

He was quiet for a minute before he answered, "We were on her couch...an'...it was fine at first, but then..." he shook his head, "I don't know...something...something was familiar...too familiar...I told her to slow down...wait a minute...she didn't...she thought..." he sighed, and struggled to continue, "she thought I was playing...she pinned me down...she's...she's my height, _toned_, she grabbed my wrists, she's _strong_...I couldn't...I couldn't get her off of me..."

Kelly paused for a moment as he closed his eyes and sighed, as if trying to shut out the rest of it. "I told her to stop...she didn't...she...she bit me..." his eyes opened again and he shook his head, staring straight ahead as he explained, "I threw her off of me and I ran out of there...I ran for 12 blocks before I finally realized where I was going..." the tears were just now starting to well up in his eyes, his voice full of shame and defeat and fatigue as he finished, "I walked the rest of the way home."

Casey didn't have any idea what to say. Of all the scenarios that went through his mind, this certainly hadn't been one of them, but it all made sense.

The first thing he could think of to say was, "Why didn't you call me? I would've come and gotten you."

"I didn't even think about it," Kelly said, "I just wanted to get away from there...it just...it all came back..." he closed his eyes again and seemed to be kicking himself about it. He opened his eyes again and said to Casey, "I asked her to stop and she wouldn't...why didn't she listen?"

Matt shook his head, "I don't know, Kelly, I don't know."

He looked at Kelly and saw the man's eyes were wide open and full of fear now, and Kelly had a disgusted look on his face.

"Casey...do you think I ever didn't listen?"

Matt blinked. "Huh?"

"You know how many times I hooked up with someone when I was drunk? And I can't remember everything that happened all those times...what if I did the same thing?"

Casey was officially confused. "What're you talking about?"

"Do you think any of those times they said 'stop' and I didn't listen?"

Casey thought he was going to start laughing. "Of course not."

"What if it did and I just can't remember it? Some times I wouldn't remember _anything_ from the night before. What if..."

Casey picked up on something in what Kelly wasn't saying. "Kelly...you're not saying that what happened to you was something you brought on yourself."

"I don't know...maybe..."

Casey grumbled and shook his head. "Not this 'there has to be a reason' shit again. Kelly, you did not in any way do anything to deserve what those bastards did to you."

Severide didn't seem as convinced. He merely responded, "It'd sure be perfect irony, wouldn't it?"

"Kelly..." Casey didn't have any idea how to get it through Kelly's head. "You are not responsible for anything that happened. None of this is your fault."

Kelly looked at him and asked, "Then _why_ did it happen?"

Casey shook his head, "It just did, Kelly, I'm sorry, but that's all there is to it, _nobody_ ever asks for it, and you know it. This isn't because of anything that you did."

"But you don't know that."

"But I know you. You're not that kind of person."

"I didn't think so anyway," Kelly replied, "what if I was when I was drunk?"

"Kelly..." Casey was patient with him, and slightly sarcastic as he replied, "You've been drunk for most of your life," which earned him a weak elbow to the ribs, and he continued, "If it was, you would've known by now."

"How?"

"Think about it for a minute...of all the women you were with, how many of them do you think would've at least made _some_ attempt to kick your ass if it was true?"

That left Kelly pondering for a minute. Finally he shrugged his shoulders and conceded, "Guess you got a point there."

Casey reached to put his arm around Kelly, then caught himself at the last second. "Sorry, is this okay?" When Kelly didn't respond, he took his chances and pulled Severide against him. "Kelly, I'm sorry for what you went through tonight, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but none of this is your fault."

"Is it always gonna be like this?" Kelly asked. He looked Casey in the eyes and asked him, "Are they all gonna be disasters from now on?"

"Of course not...it might be bumpy for a while but you'll get there," Matt assured him. He pulled back, and waited a minute before speaking again. "I know we talked about this before, but maybe you need to see a therapist."

"No!" Kelly insisted. "I don't want anyone else knowing what happened to me!"

"They won't tell anybody else, Kelly, they _can't_, you know that," Casey said.

"I don't care, I don't want to talk to some stranger about what they did," he replied.

Casey looked him in the eyes and calmly responded, "I understand that, Kelly..."

Severide shook his head, "I won't do it. You can't make me."

"I'm not _making_ you do anything," Casey pointed out. He sighed, "Kelly, would it help if I went with you? Do you think you could go through with it then?"

Kelly shook his head again, "I can't...I can't..."

Casey slowly nodded, "Okay, it's okay."

He saw Kelly's eyes glazing over with fresh tears and saw a slight twitch in his cheek as he looked at Matt and said mournfully, "I'm sorry..."

Casey pulled him back into a hug and softly assured him, "It's okay, it's going to be alright."


	12. Chapter 12

Kelly _did_ call him the next time. Casey got in his truck and drove to the address of the bar that Kelly had given him, and found the fireman standing outside looking like a lost puppy.

"What happened?" Casey asked as he slammed the door shut.

Kelly pointed back towards the bar. "He..." it was obvious that Kelly had been drinking and was well past his limit since he couldn't even remember the term 'bartender', "Took my keys."

There were nights Casey was grateful that the people working behind the bar were as quick on the draw as they were, he shuddered to think what would ever happen if Kelly actually tried to drive home drunk. "We'll get them tomorrow, come on, get in the truck."

He did, and as Casey pulled out of there and headed for home, he turned to Kelly and asked him, "What happened this time?"

"I saw this woman at the end of the bar," Kelly slowly recounted, "wanted to talk to her...had a couple drinks first...then a couple more...an' a couple more...I thought...didn't want a repeat of last time...figure, steady my nerves first so I didn't back out..."

"And she was gone?"

"No, she was still there, but..." Kelly looked out the window at the scenery passing by, then back to Casey. "I know it's over...I know they're dead...but it feels like they're still out there waiting...watching me...I felt like they were in the bar watching me...I just wanted to get out of there...guy took my keys..."

"It _is_ over, Kelly."

"I know, but..." Kelly shook his head in frustration, "I don't think I can do this anymore, Casey."

"Do what?"

"This! ...When I was in the bar tonight, I looked around, I felt sick...I feel like everybody's looking at me, like they know."

"They don't, Kelly."

"I know but...it feels like I'm on some kind of display...I don't like it."

Casey looked over at him and after a pause he said, trying to sound reassuring, "It'll get better."

* * *

Casey woke up the next morning in his bed, rolled over and saw Kelly still asleep and curled on the other side of the mattress, half entangled in and half clutching to the extra sheet he was using. It had been another rough night, Casey hadn't exactly invited Kelly to stay with him, but once they'd gotten in the door he led Severide over to his room and they went straight to bed. He had no idea when they'd actually fallen asleep though, he faintly remembered Kelly in his arms crying for the longest time, for a while he didn't think either of them would get any sleep.

He wondered what went on in Kelly's head when he slept, least of all when he wasn't waking up screaming, or trying to beat the hell out of Casey when he tried to wake him up from a nightmare. If anybody saw Kelly right now they wouldn't think he had a care in the world, and Matt hated to wake him up and bring him back to reality, but he knew he had to.

"Kelly..." he reached over and touched the dark haired man on his arm. Severide grumbled softly and slowly opened his eyes and looked at Casey.

"Sorry to wake you, but we have to be on shift in an hour," he said.

Kelly looked past him to the window and saw the sun was starting to come up. He flopped his head back against the pillow, groaned and then got up from the bed.

"Sorry about last night," he said sheepishly.

Casey turned his head to the side and heard his neck pop. "Nothing to be sorry about, you can't help what you're going through. You sure you're up to going in today?"

Kelly merely nodded in answer.

"Okay."

* * *

Kelly hopped out of the Squad rig and his feet hit the apparatus floor. He was in the process of taking his jacket off when he felt the presence of eyes on him. He looked around and noted that the guys from Truck and even his own guys from Squad were all staring at him.

"_What_?" he asked cluelessly. Nobody said anything at first, but Capp cocked his head to the side as if in disbelief of something.

Cruz cleared his throat and turned to Brian. "Otis, did you happen to see that _fine_ woman that Severide pulled out of the burning car on that last call?"

"Yes I did," he answered.

"Did you happen to see the way she was throwing herself at him once he got her out?" Cruz asked.

"I saw it," Otis agreed.

"And did you happen to see how he ignored her completely when she mentioned seeing him off-shift?" Cruz asked.

"I saw it, but I don't believe it," Otis answered, and turned his attention directly to the Squad lieutenant, "What's going on, Severide? You got a supply stocked for the winter or something?"

Casey came around from the other side of the rig, Kelly didn't answer anybody's questions but he looked directly at Casey, and there was a wordless understanding between the two.

Casey broke it up, barking at his men, "Get back to work, get everything picked up and put back where it belongs, _now_."

"Yes, lieutenant."

Through the corner of Casey's eye he saw Kelly stalking off to his quarters without a word.

* * *

Kelly groaned as he turned over on his bunk. It was 1:30 in the morning and everybody had just gotten back from a call involving a five-car pileup on the highway, which had, before they were finished, turned into a 12-car pileup and required the assistance of the companies from two other houses and police from three districts to close down two lanes and direct the rest of the traffic through so everybody could keep working.

He heard a light tap at his door and opened one eye curiously. He heard the door open, and turned over and saw Casey standing there.

"Mind if I come in?"

"Sure," he grumbled as he scooted over on the bed.

Casey closed the door and made his way through the room and sat on the edge of the bunk. "How're you doing?"

"Okay," Kelly tiredly answered.

"Sorry about earlier," Casey wasn't sure what else to say. He really hadn't thought that anyone else, let alone everyone else, would notice any real change in Severide's behavior. On the job it was obvious Kelly was trying to be as professional as usual, but apparently his own traits spoke for themselves and everybody had noticed a shift in them.

"Not your fault," Kelly responded.

There was a pause before Casey asked him, "You want me to stay with you tonight?"

"You don't have to," he answered.

"That's not what I'm asking," Casey replied, "Do you _want_ me to?"

He shook his head, "Nah, that's okay."

Though Severide did pause to seemingly pore over the offer for a minute, then hesitantly asked Casey, "Can you...can you just stay for a minute?"

Matt nodded, "Sure." He stayed on the edge of the bunk but reached his hand over and found Kelly's and lightly gripped it. "I can do that."

* * *

Kelly felt like his head was going to explode, and the pulsing sensation in his stomach stemming from the loud music making the floor vibrate made him feel like he was going to puke either before or after that happened. He looked around at the swirling lights in the otherwise darkened club and saw everybody dancing or drinking at the bar, and alarm bells were screaming in his head that he had to get out of there.

He made his way past the other club patrons and headed out the door as fast as he could, by contrast the parking lot was quiet and dark, he got to his car, doubled over beside it and struggled to catch his breath. When his finally felt his heart stop racing, he straightened his back and looked back at the club that he had frequented regularly over the years, and hooked up with several women at, granted he couldn't remember the names of too many of them now. He'd thought coming back to a place as familiar as this, that he had so much history at, would help him get back in the swing of things. But shortly after he walked in the door, the air became thick and stuffy and he had trouble breathing. He looked around at everybody else who had a few drinks and some other substances in them and were pulsating and gyrating on the dance floor, a scene he himself had been in hundreds of times, and suddenly he felt like a trapped animal. Everywhere he turned he felt like the walls were closing in on him and he couldn't breathe.

Several people bumped into him, some he tried to ignore, he felt hands on him and it took everything he had to remember where he was and to know that the men who raped him weren't in the crowd, weren't trying to get at him. But it wasn't enough, he had to get out of there or he thought for sure he'd lose his mind. Some of the more impaired people on the floor actively grabbed him and groped him in passing, laughing, he was just about to start screaming.

Kelly still had trouble breathing, and he collapsed on the ground and leaned back beside his car as he waited for the panic attack to subside. He'd never had them before, but he'd suddenly started experiencing them shortly after his attack, and he'd foolishly hoped they'd go away after he found out the men who brutalized him were dead.

He breathed heavily and squeezed his eyes shut, humiliated by the familiar burn as the tears started to build up in them. There _was_ something wrong with him, but he didn't know what, and he couldn't get anyone else to admit it. Casey didn't believe him, or if he did he wasn't going to say it, but he didn't patronize Kelly about it either, that at least made it easier to deal with. Even now Kelly found himself shakily reaching for his phone in his pocket to call Casey, to come get him because he didn't think he could drive himself home. But before he dialed the number, he stopped, and held the phone in his hands and stared at it, and willed himself to calm down. He brushed away the tears that got caught in his eyelashes and forced himself to take slow, deep breaths, and when he finally felt he was breathing normally again, did he stand up and get in his car. His hands were still shaking as he got his keys out and turned the engine over, he turned on his headlights, put the car in gear, checked behind him, and slowly and anxiously pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to the apartment.

* * *

Casey could hear the sound of water running and slowly realized it was the shower, which immediately woke him up because he thought he'd overslept, but as soon as his eyes were open he saw it was still pitch dark both in his bedroom and out the window. The clock read 2:15 A.M., what was going on? He could guess, but all the same he decided to get up and check it out.

He left the bedroom and padded over to the bathroom, the door was outlined from the light shining through on the other side, the water was still running full blast, otherwise he didn't hear anything.

Cautiously he rapped on the door and called out, "Kelly?" No response, he tried again, and still no response. So he turned the knob and opened the door.

He was immediately hit with a curtain of steam, the entire bathroom was encased in it.

"Kelly?" Casey raised his voice to be heard over the water as he headed over to the shower. "Kelly? Are you alright?"

If he was actually in there, and under the water hot enough to accumulate a cloud of steam like this...Casey pulled back the curtain and felt his eyes widen at the sight of Kelly curled in a ball on the shower floor, his arms wrapped tight around his chest, the scalding hot water _just_ missing most contact with his flesh.

"Kelly."

Casey reached for the knobs and turned on the cold water, and as it quickly dissipated the steam around them, he knelt down within reach of Kelly but didn't touch him, not yet. Though the lights in the ceiling didn't illuminate the inside of the shower all that well, he could see that Kelly's skin was flushed bright pink, first he thought it was from the hot water, then he saw the two wash rags and a hard bristle scrub brush discarded on the shower floor, as he pulled the curtain back further to get more light on the subject, he could gauge from the pattern of the red marks covering his body that Kelly had just about tried to scrub his skin off completely.

"Kelly."

Severide's only response was to curl his body into an even tighter ball and drop his head to his chest as the sobs came out. Casey reached over and grabbed Kelly's shoulder and pulled him against him, Kelly didn't try to fight him, didn't recoil from the physical contact, just leaned against Casey and cried. Matt held his best friend in his arms and found himself murmuring soft assurances as he consolingly ran his hands up and down Kelly's arms, then lifted his head enough to press his lips lightly against Kelly's forehead.

"Hey, hey, shh, shh," Casey struggled to keep his voice strong and not break down alongside Kelly, even in though in that moment it was the only thing he felt like doing. "It's alright, it's going to be alright."

It felt like forever, but Kelly finally calmed down enough that Casey was able to get him to stand up, he had Kelly stand under the cold water for a couple minutes to wash some of the flush out of his skin, most of it would have to wear off on its own, but Casey did notice towards the end that some of the color disappeared from Kelly's face. Casey shut off the water and wrapped a large towel around Kelly's body before helping him out of the shower.

"Are you alright now?" Matt asked him.

Kelly stopped and looked at his reflection in the mirror.

"I'm sorry," he said as he raised his hands to the two telltale places on his face that weren't wet from the shower, but from the tears that were still rolling down from his eyes, and roughly rubbed them away like a swatted mosquito on his skin. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Kelly, you don't have to apologize for anything, you didn't do anything wrong," Casey told him.

"This shouldn't be happening," he replied, "I shouldn't be like this."

"Kelly, you can't help-"

"No...it's not good enough," Severide shook his head, and repeated with emphasis, "I-shouldn't-be-like-this."

"Kelly," Casey chanced placing his hand on Kelly's shoulder to get his attention, "explain to me why you're so scared of seeing a therapist."

Kelly took offense at the word. "I'm _not_ scared."

Casey paused for a moment, and asked, "Didn't you have to see one when you were in rehab?"

Kelly's gaze dropped from the mirror to the sink's drain, and he replied shortly, "This is different."

Casey knew he wasn't going to elaborate, so he tried to gently probe the issue himself, "Are you scared of what the therapist might say?"

"No."

"Are you scared what they might think of you?"

Kelly kept his gaze glued to the sink. "No."

"What is it then?" Casey asked.

Kelly shook his head. "I don't know...but I'm not going."

Casey's hand moved from his shoulder to his back and rubbed it soothingly. It made him look up but only as far as his reflection.

"We don't have to worry about it tonight," Casey told him. "Let's just get you to bed."

Kelly looked at Casey's reflection. "Matt?" he couldn't ask the question that was burning in his mind, for some reason he just couldn't. Apparently he didn't need to.

Casey stood half behind him and half to his side, and he looked at Kelly's reflection, and told him, "I'll stay with you tonight, Kelly. It's okay."

* * *

There was no repeat incident to quite match that one, but Casey did notice the next several nights, Kelly getting up at an unusual hour, always after midnight, to get a shower, and most of them lasted about half an hour, and when he left the bathroom there was no explanation, but he did seem to be fairing better than he had the first night. Casey had his suspicions about it but he wasn't going to push the subject since he knew Kelly didn't want to discuss it.

No matter what was going on in Severide's private life, in his head, he showed up to work every shift, and as far as everyone else was concerned, acted as normal as he always did, the sudden lack of any women in his life notwithstanding. On the job he seemed to be able to stay focused on the work at hand, at night when no calls came in and everybody was asleep, it was often a different story. Casey mainly went to his quarters to stay with him for the night, though on a couple occasions Kelly crept over to his instead and stayed with Matt. At home, nightmares were also frequent, several times Casey went to Kelly's room because he could hear the man crying in his sleep, a couple times what got him out of bed was a loud _thumping_ noise and when he got to the guest room, he found Kelly sprawled out on the floor, having fallen out of his bed in the middle of a nightmare. One time Casey tried to get him back into bed, instead he woke up the next morning on the floor holding Kelly in his arms.

One night, Casey went to sleep in his own bed, alone, and when he woke up the next morning, he rolled over and his eyes bugged out at the sudden and unexpected sight of Kelly asleep beside him. Apparently he'd sneaked in sometime during the night and slipped into bed without Casey noticing, which definitely left the blonde lieutenant beyond any and all words. Voight's words about Kelly trusting him and feeling safe around him came back to him several times, and though Kelly would never admit it Casey knew there had to be some truth to that, but it was still a mind blowing concept to him, and it didn't make him feel any better that he didn't know how to help Kelly.

* * *

"Matt, calm down," Benny said into the phone, "Now tell me again, what's going on?"

"Kelly never came home today," Casey explained. "He said he had some errands to run and he left this morning, and he never came back. I can't get him on his phone, nobody's seen him, I stopped by his apartment, he hasn't been there, I don't know what's going on. I was hoping he might be with you, did he say anything to you?"

"No, I haven't talked to him for weeks," Benny answered.

"Benny, I'm worried," Casey admitted.

"Kelly's a grown man, he knows what he's doing."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore," Casey replied. "I'm sorry to drag you into this, but I just don't know what to do anymore."

Outside Benny heard the thunder crashing, it had been raining for half the day and just recently developed into a full blown thunderstorm.

"I'm sorry, Benny," Casey said, "I feel like I failed both of you."

"Matt, this isn't on you," the elder Severide told him, "You're not Kelly's keeper."

"I feel like I need to be," Matt said in response, "He doesn't do well on his own, he needs someone to look after him, and especially after everything he's been put through..."

"Matt, _calm down_," Benny repeated, "none of this is your fault."

"It might be," Casey said. "I've been pushing him to get professional help, I know he doesn't want to hear it but I don't know what else to do, we've fought about it for over a month now."

"It would take more than that to drive him out, you know that," Benny assured the younger man.

Benny's attention was diverted from the conversation by the sound of somebody pounding on his door.

"Matt, I think he's here," he said into the phone. "Let me handle this, I'll find out what's going on, and I'll get back to you. Okay, bye."

He disconnected the call and went to the door. Opening it up he was met with a strange sight of Kelly, who was thoroughly soaked through and looked like a drowned rat.

"Kelly, what the hell happened to you?"

Kelly was slow to respond. "I walked over...I don't know why I came."

"Get in here," Benny pulled him in to the apartment and shut the door, "what happened?"

Kelly stood against the wall and didn't move, instead he looked at his dad and said, "Everything's a mess, Pops."

* * *

Outside the storm kept raging, and everything out the windows looked even darker than it had just a few moments ago. Inside Benny's apartment, he set Kelly's clothes on the old radiator in the kitchen to dry out and returned to the living room where he had Kelly wrapped up in a heavy blanket on the couch. Kelly was still too far out of it to tell him what was going on and just stared straight ahead at the TV that wasn't on. It wasn't just a pouring rain out there, it was a cold rain and he'd quickly found out Kelly had gotten chilled to the bone while he was out wandering around in it.

"Tell me what's going on," Benny said as he sat down on the other end of the couch.

Kelly shook his head, "I can't stop thinking about it. Everything reminds me of what happened."

Benny squeezed his eyes shut for a second. "Kelly, you have no idea how sorry I am for what happened to you."

"But they're dead," Kelly said, "why can't I stop thinking about it?"

"Because it doesn't work that way, and you know it," his dad answered.

Kelly looked to the side and said, "Casey's been trying to talk me into seeing a therapist."

"Might not be a bad idea," Benny conceded.

"I don't want to do it," Kelly replied.

"How come?"

"I don't know...I don't want to talk about it with somebody else," he said, shifting his gaze to the floor.

"That's understandable," Benny said, "but what if it helps?"

"What if it doesn't?" Kelly looked at him. "What if it just makes things worse?"

"How?" Benny asked.

Kelly paused. "I don't know," he answered defeatedly. "I just don't want to do it."

"I get that," Benny told him. "But I think you need to."

Kelly did a double take. "What?"

"I think it would help you, Kelly, more than you realize," Benny answered. "We didn't do that in our day, believe me, a lot of guys paid the price for how they kept everything to themselves...I lost some good friends that way, I don't want to see that happen to you."

Kelly pursed his lips tight together as he looked towards the floor again as he took that in. He raised his head again and started to ask, "But what if..."

"Kelly, you're my son and I love you, and _nothing_ can change that, and if what those bastards did to you couldn't do it, neither can you getting help for it. I know you don't want to do this, but you don't have anything to be ashamed of." When he saw that his son was still struggling with the idea, Benny added in offering, "I can take you if it'll help."

Kelly shook his head helplessly. "I don't know, Pops, I just don't know." He sighed, and suddenly said, "I just..." he let out another sigh, "I just want to be normal again."

"I hate to break it to you, kid, that's something we never were," Benny told him, "It's not a family trait."

Kelly looked at his father and didn't respond for a minute, then his chest twitched as he broke out laughing, Benny joined him, and reached an arm over, wrapped it around Kelly's shoulders and pulled his son against him.

* * *

Kelly felt something pressing against the back of his head and opened his eyes. He saw he was in Benny's apartment on the couch and could see the sunlight starting to pour in through the windows. He tried to get up but found himself still cocooned in the blanket from last night. Then he noticed how eerily quiet the apartment was.

"Pop?" he called out.

Benny entered the living room, "Your clothes are dry, get dressed and I'll drive you home."

"What time is it?" Kelly asked, closing his eyes against the bright light.

"7:15, you slept all night."

"Feels like it," Kelly grimaced as he tried to blink away the spots from looking directly in the beam of sunlight. He tried to unwrap the blanket and get up but all he actually managed to do was wriggle around like a worm. It was bunched up around his shoulders so he couldn't get his arms out and it constricted his movements.

"Uh, Pop?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't get up," Kelly said, a hint of embarrassment in his tone at being caught in this predicament.

Benny just laughed as he stepped over to the couch and found where the blanket was cinched around itself and got it undone.

"Go get dressed."

"Thanks," Kelly grabbed his clothes and headed to the bathroom, then stopped. He turned back, "Hey, Pops? Did you mean what you said last night?"

Benny didn't ask about what, he merely nodded and answered, "Sure."

Kelly pursed his lips together in consideration, he didn't respond, just nodded and headed into the next room and shut the door.

A/N: Only one more chapter left to go!


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thanks to everybody for reading and reviewing, I hope you've enjoyed this story!

"Boy this reminds me when I took you for your first day of school," Benny said a few days later as he pulled his car up outside the office building.

"Not helping, Pops," Kelly replied.

"I'm not trying to help, I'm just stating a fact," Benny said in response, earning a small chuckle from his son.

Benny pulled up in the parking lot and put the car in park, but he noticed Kelly was in no hurry to get out. Instead he remained slumped back against his seat and just stared out the window at the building up ahead.

"Kelly..."

The younger Severide turned and faced his father and reluctantly asked, "What if I can't do this? What if I can't go through with it?"

"Kelly, you can do anything, I've told you that all your life," Benny said.

"What if I can't?" Kelly repeated, "Are you...would you be..."

Kelly couldn't bring himself to use the word 'disappointed', but Benny knew it was hanging in the air.

"Kelly, you do what you gotta do and don't worry about anybody else," he told his son, "It's as simple as that. You'll be fine, I know it."

This actually reminded him a _lot_ of when he took Kelly and dropped him off for his first day of school. It was one of Benny's days off shift and Kelly didn't want to go because he wanted to stay home with him. It had been a rough day all around but they got through it, and he knew it was going to be a lot more work now but he knew they'd get through this too.

"Come here." He reached across the front seat and pulled Kelly against him in a tight embrace. "I love you, Kelly, you can do this."

Against him he could hear Kelly breathing hard, and he could hear the hesitance in his son's voice, as he forced out something it was obvious he would've rather never told anyone, "Pop...I'm scared..."

Benny nodded as he rubbed Kelly's back, "I know...it's okay. You'll do fine."

When Kelly pulled back his eyes were just starting to glisten with a fresh onset of tears. "Are you...will you be here when I'm done?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Kelly," Benny told him. "Now go on."

Kelly blinked back the tears and reached for the door handle. Benny watched him head up the sidewalk to the building and go in, and as he turned forward in his seat he also spotted a familiar pickup truck pulling in behind him. He got out of the car and went around to meet the other man.

"He go in?" Casey asked as he hopped out of the pickup.

"He did," Benny said.

"Think he'll stay?"

"I don't know...look, Matt, I know this hasn't been easy for you, but I want to thank you for everything you've done to help Kelly," the elder Severide told him.

Casey glanced down towards the street as a brief color flushed through his cheeks, he looked back up and shook his head, "Doesn't feel like enough."

"You can't do anymore for him than you are...and I especially want to thank you for bringing this up with him. He doesn't like it, but this is what he needs, and I think even he knows it," Benny said.

"I'm not sure about that, Benny."

"I am. If I'd mentioned therapy, and I wouldn't have, there's no way he'd ever have listened to me."

"It's taken so long to get him to agree to try it," Casey responded.

"Yeah well, that's Kelly, it takes a while but he always comes around."

Casey looked at the office building and then back to his truck. "I should probably go. He won't want me here."

"How do you know?" Benny asked.

"Trust me, he doesn't want other people around when he's vulnerable...you can get away with it, but I don't think he'll appreciate me being here when he comes out," Casey said.

"Maybe not, but he's going to need you," Benny replied.

Casey looked at the older man. "How do you know?"

The gray haired man looked at him and answered firmly but simply, "Because you're the only reason he's gotten this far."

Matt had no idea how to respond to that, or even what to think of it.

"So...what do we do now?" he asked, feeling completely lost.

"We wait."

"That's it?"

"That's all we _can_ do right now."

"Do you think he'll actually talk to the therapist?" Matt asked.

"I hope," Benny said.

* * *

An hour later Kelly left the therapist's office, practically zombie walking his way to the front door, he looked up and did a double take at the sight of the two men standing by Benny's car.

"What are you doing here?" he asked Casey as he headed down the sidewalk.

"Are you okay?" Matt asked him.

Kelly stopped a few steps from reaching him, and he stared at him, then at his dad, and slowly shook his head, "I don't know."

Suddenly Kelly looked unsteady on his feet, Casey grabbed him and pulled Kelly against him in a tight hug, waiting to see what he did next.

"I want to go home," was all he was willing to say.

"Okay," Casey said as he calmly rubbed Kelly's back, "we can do that."

He finally let go and Kelly stood back, and turned and faced Benny.

"Pop..."

The elder Severide looked at him with a sad smile and told him, "I know how hard this was for you, Kelly, I'm proud of you."

Kelly felt his father's strong arms around him and merely leaned in to the embrace.

"I have to come back again," he said with a reluctant whine, as if this fact hadn't set in until now, and made it quite obvious that he didn't want to do it.

"First time for anything's always the hardest, you know that," Benny told him. "It'll get easier after this because you know what to expect. Come on, let's go."

* * *

Benny drove Kelly back to Casey's apartment and dropped him off, briefly mentioning to Casey that he thought his presence at that time might not be what Kelly needed right now. Kelly walked in the door and went straight to the guest room and collapsed on the bed. A moment later Casey appeared in the doorway and looked at the man laying on top of the covers, who looked completely exhausted.

"Kelly..." he said softly, not sure what he was supposed to say, but not wanting to risk saying the wrong thing. Severide didn't acknowledge his presence or his name being called, he just laid on the bed with an arm draped over his face to block out the light, as if trying to make the whole world go away.

"Do you just want me to leave you alone for now?" Casey asked.

Kelly dropped his arm, and sighed, and briefly opened his eyes, not looking at Casey, but quietly responding, _"Please." _

Matt merely nodded his head and said reassuringly, "Okay, I can do that. If you change your mind...if you need anything, you know where to find me."

He closed the door behind him to give Kelly some privacy. Severide slowly tossed and turned from one side to the other, moaning softly the entire time. Finally he pulled the pillow out from under his head, straightened himself on his back, grabbed the pillow with both hands, held it over his face and screamed into it as hard as he could. When he ran out of oxygen he sucked in a mouthful of air that was stifled through the linen, before he could even feel his body getting any benefit from the newfound oxygen, he screamed it all back out into the pillow again. Several times he sucked in just enough air to let it all back out again as he screamed into the pillow, until finally he dropped it and curled on his side in a ball and slowly took in smaller breaths that a few minutes later came back out as sobs.

* * *

Casey slowly opened the door and peered in. Kelly was still laying on top of the bed, flat on his back, and seemed to have fallen asleep at some point. The lights were still on in the room, Casey stepped in, and got a better look at Kelly. Though right now he seemed to be dead to the world, there were still two half dried streaks of tears running down his face.

It had been hours since Casey left him. He'd heard the screams, then the cries, but he respected Kelly's wishes and left him alone, he knew that the therapy session had no doubt left him with a lot to process. It was night now, late, he didn't know if Kelly would be up to eating but he'd saved a plate from dinner and put it in the fridge incase he changed his mind later.

He stood over the bed now and Kelly's demeanor didn't change, there was nothing to indicate he was aware of Matt's presence in the room. It was late enough Casey figured he'd sleep through the rest of the night, but getting him under the covers would be impossible without waking Kelly up. He thought for a minute, and left the room, and came back with a spare blanket from the closet, and draped it over the sleeping man, who never stirred at the sudden weight of it on him.

Casey knew what he was risking, all those nights he went to Kelly because he was screaming and having nightmares, he hadn't always walked away unscathed. There had been a few instances where Kelly punched him or otherwise hit him, mistaking him for his assailants, and it was still a risk he was taking now, but he leaned over and lightly kissed Kelly on the forehead, still there was no response.

"Love you, Kelly," he whispered.

With that, he headed for the door, shut the lights off, and closed the door on his way out.

* * *

2 weeks later-

Casey entered his apartment and was met with an eerie silence. The TV was off, the radio was off, nothing in the kitchen was on, there was no water running, the only thing in the whole apartment he could hear was the faint sound of the ice maker in the kitchen. He turned and looked out the door, Kelly's car was parked outside, so he should've been there. He went to the kitchen, then checked both bedrooms, and finally he came to the bathroom door. He thought back, just before he'd left to run errands, Kelly had gone in there to take a shower. That, Casey realized, had been almost an hour ago.

He rapped on the door. "Kelly? You okay?"

"I'll be out in a minute," he called back from the other side of the door.

Relieved to actually hear his voice, and it didn't sound like anything was wrong, Casey stepped back and merely remarked, "Take your time," and went back to the living room and parked himself on the couch.

A couple minutes later the door opened and Kelly walked out to the living room, showered, shaved, his hair combed, and Casey couldn't help noticing he was dressed in one of the newer pairs of jeans he owned and one of his nicer shirts.

"How do I look?" he asked somewhat apprehensively.

"For what?" Casey asked.

Reluctantly, Kelly admitted, "I have a date tonight."

Casey blinked. "A date-date? You mean actually going _out_ with a woman instead of just picking one up at the bar?"

Kelly glared at him.

"Okay, sorry," Casey said, his demeanor quickly changing to one of excitement, "That's great, Kelly, who is she?"

"Just a woman I met..."

"Where?"

Kelly rolled his eyes hesitantly as he answered, "At the gas station."

Casey laughed, "What a romantic."

Severide responded by elbowing him sharply in the ribs.

"Sorry, sorry," Casey composed himself, "seriously, Kelly, I'm happy for you. Maybe it'll work out this time."

"I hope so," he replied as he stopped by the mirror and ran his hands over his hair to make sure none were sticking out of place. "What if it doesn't?"

Casey shrugged, "That's the idea of a date, you go slower so you can figure it out. What time are you meeting her?"

"In half an hour," Kelly said, "it's a 20 minute drive to her place."

"You're actually picking her up?" Casey asked. "You're really going all out for this one, aren't you?"

"Shut up."

A small giggle escaped him. "I'm sorry, I know this is a big deal for you, this is exciting, Kelly."

"You're excited," Kelly pulled on the collar of his shirt, "I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"Just take it easy, you've been out with hundreds of women-"

"Shut up."

Casey ignored him. "You've got this, Kelly."

The two men stood side by side and and looked at their reflections.

"I just want this to go right," Kelly quietly confessed.

"It will," Casey assured him.

Casey looked at the mirror, then over and Kelly, and out of nowhere he placed both hands on Kelly's head and mussed up his hair.

"Cut-that-out!"

Casey got out a chuckle as he watched Kelly smooth his hair back again. "Sorry, I couldn't resist. Seriously, you're gonna be fine, Kelly, I know it. You got everything?"

"Yeah," Kelly said with a huff. He stepped back from the mirror, then turned to head for the door, then instead turned to Casey and hugged him.

"Thank you."

Casey reciprocated the embrace and told him, "You're gonna be okay, Kelly."

* * *

Casey wasn't sure whether he was supposed to wait around for Kelly or not incase the date went south and he came home early, or if things really went sour and he needed Matt to pick him up. Either way he spent the night lazing around the apartment, waiting to see if anything happened. Finally about midnight when Kelly still wasn't home, he decided Severide knew what he was doing and was able to get back on the proverbial horse, so he shut off the lights and the TV and went to bed.

He slept peacefully through the night and didn't wake up until almost 6 the next morning. Not being on shift that day and not having any construction work, it was earlier than he usually got up, but he decided to drag himself out of bed and get started on the day anyway. Opening the blind he saw the sky was just starting to get light, the sun would be up soon.

As he headed towards the kitchen he heard a noise that caught him off guard and he felt his heart jump. Then he realized it was the lock on the front door being undone, the door opened and Kelly walked in, his overall appearance only slightly disheveled compared to last night, but on the whole he looked just the same as when he left.

"Oh...hey," he said, himself caught off guard by Casey's presence.

"Morning," Casey said, not sure at the moment what else to say.

"Uh...yeah," Kelly replied as he shut the door.

"Well?" Casey asked.

"Well what?"

"_Well_?" Casey repeated in smug amusement. "You were out all night. What happened?"

Kelly grumbled under his breath as he answered, "We went back to her place." At the look on Casey's face he quickly added, "Get your head out of the gutter...nothing happened...I fell asleep on her couch watching TV."

"So...you just skipped dating and went straight for being married?" Casey teased.

"Nothing happened," Kelly repeated.

But, Casey noticed, there was something different about the way Kelly said it this time, as opposed to his first failed attempt at a date.

"But?" he prodded.

"But...I wanted it to," Kelly said, "I thought..."

Casey couldn't help the amusement he got from the hint of color running through Kelly's cheeks. Severide had never in his life had any problem talking about the women he went home with, if there wasn't the longstanding psychological trouble behind all this, he'd look downright cute trying to explain it. And Casey couldn't suppress the mischievous grin on his face as he put together what it was that Kelly wasn't able to bring himself to say.

"So I take it things are starting to get back to 'normal'?" he smirked, well aware of the fact he was having way too much fun at Kelly's expense of finally being able to get an erection again under normal circumstances of a woman he wanted to be with.

"If you breathe a word of this to anybody, I will kill you," Kelly told him. Changing the subject he explained, "We're...gonna go out again after next shift."

"That's great, Kelly," Casey said. "I told you it'd just take time. So?"

"So what?"

"What's her name?"

Kelly sighed and answered, "Tish Prescott."

"You gonna bring her by Molly's so everyone else can meet her?" Casey asked.

"Oh yeah, just what I want to do, scare her off just when it looks promising," Kelly rolled his eyes.

Casey laughed. "Well congratulations, Kelly, I'm happy for you."

Kelly shifted his gaze towards the floor, implying he'd rather be doing anything than having this conversation right now, but the moment passed and he looked at Casey and told him, "Thanks for helping me get through this. I...I really don't know what I would've done if you...if..."

Casey smiled as he cut him off, "It's okay, Kelly...you're past the worst of it now, the rest will be easier."

Kelly looked at him glumly and replied, "I still haven't gone back to my apartment."

That was true. "What if...you just stay here until you can find a new place?" Casey asked.

Someplace without the memories, without the ghosts of what had taken place there.

"It could take a while," Kelly said.

"We've been roommates before."

"You'd really do that?" Kelly asked.

"Of course, you know that," Casey told him.

Kelly pursed his lips together, seeming almost in awe of this.

"Thanks, Matt."

"I'll help you get the rest of your stuff, when you're ready to go over," Casey said.

Kelly couldn't find any more words that would fit what he was feeling right now. His throat felt tight and he couldn't talk anyway. He reached out and hugged Casey. Matt put his arms around Kelly in return and kissed him over his temple. "It's alright, Kelly, you're gonna be fine."

Kelly felt tears running down the corner of his eye he didn't even realize were building up, but he managed a small smile as he told his best friend, "I love you, Casey."

Matt smiled lightly and responded, "It's nice to be wanted."

* * *

2 months later-

"So how's he doing?" Voight asked Casey as the two sat beside each other at the bar at Molly's.

"Seems to be doing alright," Casey answered, "hasn't really been having any nightmares for a while...he quit therapy after a month."

"Uh huh," Voight said in his usual grunt.

"I think he got everything out of it he's going to," Casey said. "He's been dating the same woman for 2 months, which has to be a record for him since...I don't even remember. He said he was going to bring her by tonight so we could finally meet her."

"Sounds serious," Hank commented.

"I think it is," Casey said.

"She know?" Voight asked.

Casey shrugged. "If he hasn't told her yet, I think he's going to have to soon."

"Uh huh."

"I think that's why he's been going slower this time," Casey said, "he knows he's got baggage, more than usual now...probably wants to make sure that whoever he's with can handle it."

"Hopefully she can," Voight replied.

"I'll drink to that," Casey said. He picked up his beer bottle and clinked it against the glass Voight's half-drunk Manhattan was in. "So...what's Benny up to?"

"Said he'd be in later tonight," Hank answered.

Casey blinked. "So he might actually get to meet Kelly's girlfriend."

"That'd be the first in a long time, wouldn't it?" Voight asked with a hint of amusement at the thought.

Casey got out a small laugh and said, "Well, tonight should really make or break where they go from here...Hank."

"Hm?"

Casey kept his voice low and said, "I want to thank you for everything you did...I don't think we would've gotten through that night if you hadn't come with me."

Voight looked at the young fireman and after a few seconds he responded, "I don't doubt your abilities, Matt, but I'm a cop, and I know it's better to take backup for any unforeseen complications. Kelly would've mopped the floor with you that night if you'd been alone."

Casey nodded. "I know..."

Voight inhaled, and looked at Matt, and told him, "Kelly's lucky to have you for a friend."

Matt looked at the older cop and commented, "I guess Benny must be pretty lucky to have you for one too."

"We do alright," Hank remarked.

Casey nodded and said, "I guess that's all we can do."

Matt picked up his bottle, got up from his stool and moved over to the end of the bar, where Herrmann was making his rounds cleaning the counter and taking orders.

"Hey Casey, watchu talking to Voight about?" he asked.

"Oh...nothing important," Matt answered.


End file.
